Tips for helping to relieve severe separation anxiety disorder in teens? My tweens are both suffering from this but I don’t know how to assist or help them manage it or how to fix it. Thank you!
Teenagers living with separation anxiety show signs of fear when they have to say goodbye to their parents or caregivers or just the thought of being separated from them. This anxiety can make them miss school, work, and other activities that require being away from their parents or caregivers.
Here are some steps you should consider:
- Seek help from a mental health professional, experienced in this field. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is usually an effective form of therapy to treat it. If symptoms are severe, medication may be recommended (see more information below).
- If they are receiving support from a mental health professional, follow the treatment plan
- Get to know the condition: when you understand what separation anxiety disorder is and how it works, you are better equipped to support your kids
- Get to know your children: even if they both experience this disorder, they both have different symptoms and ways to deal with it.
- If they attend school, liaise with their teachers so they can support them from their end, and you are all on the same page.
- Label and discuss their emotions and behaviours
- Respect their feelings even if they make no sense to you
- Establish a consistent routine to provide them security and stability
- Show calm support
- Practice saying goodbye
You may find these articles useful:
What Are Your Thoughts on Anxiety Medication for Teens?
How to Help Children with their Anxiety?
How to Help a Child with Anxiety?
I hope this information helps. I wish you teenager all the very best,
Love,
Ana
“Can you have separation anxiety disorder in adolescence? My 15-year-old is acting very strange and clingy all of a sudden”
If your teenager is acting ‘strange’ it may mean that there is something going on with him. I think that it is definitely a good idea to have a chat with him to see what is going on. Tell him that if he does not want to talk to you, he could talk to another trusted adult in his life or perhaps he would agree to talk to a therapist. If he goes to school, have a chat with his teachers to see if there is anything going on at school that you may not know about.
You mention separation anxiety disorder and yes, adolescents can have it. Teenagers living with separation anxiety show signs of fear when they have to say goodbye to their parents or caregivers or just the thought of being separated from them. This anxiety can make them miss school or activities that require being away from their parents or caregivers.
I would urge you to talk to your teenager. If you are worried about him, do take him to a mental health professional.
You may find these articles useful:
What Are Your Thoughts on Anxiety Medication for Teens?
How to Help Children with their Anxiety?
How to Help a Child with Anxiety?
This masterclass may also be useful:
How to Have Difficult Conversations with your Teenager
I hope this information helps. I wish you teenager all the very best,
Love,
Ana
How can I recognize and address alcohol misuse or abuse in teenagers, and what steps can I take to help prevent alcoholism or addiction during adolescence? I’m trying to support my daughter while she’s in rehab by taking care of her teens, but I want to keep an eye out for alcohol issues in them before they can get bad (she drank badly around them, maybe it rubbed off?).
Your grandkids are very lucky to have you. We are all worried about our teenagers drinking alcohol and it is normal that because of your daughter, you are even more worried. There is evidence suggesting that addiction runs in families. Children learn mostly by observing their parents and other adults in their life. I am not saying this to put blame or more pressure on your daughter, I am just saying this to make you aware of it. It is important that you model a good behaviour regarding alcohol to your grandkids. And talk about it with them, teenagers really value honesty, even if sometimes conversations are tough.
Here are a few tips you may find useful:
- Talk about alcohol with them: it is not about lecturing them but about asking their opinions, learning how they feel about their mum’s addiction, learning what they think and feel about alcohol…Teenagers who have a warm and open relationship with their caregivers are less likely to engage in risky behaviours, such as drinking alcohol
- Establish clear rules and consequences: set up family rules, discuss them with them, and explain the consequences if rules are broken. Always enforce the consequences.
- Set a good example
- Know their friends: if their friends drink alcohol, your grandkids will feel the pressure to drink. Help them to resist peer pressure. For example, you could role play their reactions if their friends pressure them to have a drink.
- Know what they are doing, who with, and where they go: it is not about controlling them but about knowing what is going on in their lives. It is about them noticing that you care about them from a non-judgemental place. This way they will feel that you care about them, you will be close with them, and you will be more likely to notice if something is not quite right with them.
- If you think any of your grandkids is drinking, act fast.
I urge to watch this masterclass with Dr Paula Corcoran. She provides excellent information about how to discuss about drugs with our teenagers: How to Talk about Drugs
I wish your daughter a speedy recovery and all the very best to your grandkids. And please, remember to take care of yourself. You have a lot on your plate! Do get in touch with me if you need more support or information.
Love,
Ana
“How long should you wait before you introduce new foods to a baby (he’s very picky)?”
There is no exact answer to your question. Some babies are pickier than others. A recent study showed that whether a child is fussy or not, is mostly down to genetics and not on parenting. This does not mean that there is nothing parents can do to improve their children’s eating behaviours but that it will be more difficult for them to do so. It also seems that the best time to influence our children’s eating behaviours is when they are toddlers.
Here are some ideas that tend to work with picky eaters:
- Offer new food repeatedly. You might need to offer some foods 5-15 times or more before your child chooses to eat them.
- Offer food in a relaxed way and let your child decide if and how much they want to eat. Pressuring them to eat certain foods may work in the short-term but may end up backfiring because they end up developing negative associations with the food.
- The best way for toddlers to eat and enjoy new foods is to copy you. Eat with them as often as you can and let them see you eat healthy and varied food.
- Sometimes parents worry when their children are very fussy and don’t seem to eat much. If your child seems well, is active and gaining weight, then it is very likely they are eating enough.
- Keep going back to the foods your child did not like before. Children’s tastes changes often. One day they hate eggs and a month later they love them.
- Praise them when they eat, even if little.
If you want more information about nutrition and mealtimes, we have two fantastic masterclasses with a great nutritionist:
Making Mealtime Enjoyable for your Family
Understanding and Identifying your Child’s Nutritional Needs
I hope this information helps! I wish you all the very best to you and your family.
Love,
Ana
“Can you please give three tips for parents when feeding toddlers that I can share with my daughter-in-law?“
Here are five tips for feeding toddlers that will hopefully be helpful:
- The best way for toddlers to eat and enjoy new foods is to copy you. Eat with them as often as you can and let them see you eat healthy and varied food.
- Give your toddler the same food as the rest of the family.
- Nowadays, many parents are choosing to let their children eat by themselves (baby led weaning; BLM) instead of the old fashioned way of parents feeding children pureed foods. Whatever method your daughter-in-law chooses is fine. There are no differences in terms of nutritional benefits between toddlers that are spoon-fed and those that are eat by themselves.
- Make mealtimes enjoyable. Chat and have a laugh.
- If your grandchild refuses any foods, try changing how you serve them. For example, a child might refuse cooked carrots but might eat raw ones.
If you want more information about nutrition and mealtimes, we have two fantastic masterclasses with a great nutritionist:
Making Mealtime Enjoyable for your Family
Understanding and Identifying your Child’s Nutritional Needs
I hope this information helps! I wish you all the very best to you and your family.
Love,
Ana
“Please can you advise on why my toddler says no to everything? My mother-in-law said it’s a “normal toddler no phase” but I’m getting so fed up!”
I am afraid that on this occasion your mother-in-law is right! It is totally normal (and even good) for your toddler to be saying ‘no’ to everything. Your child is saying ‘no’ to everything because he is becoming his own person, with his own opinions and thoughts. He is learning that he is not an extension of you. Your toddler has found out that he has a will, and he is using it.
Having said this, I understand your frustration. Here are some tips you may find useful:
- Offer him some choices: in the same way that they say ‘no’ to us, we also say ‘no’ to our toddlers all the time. So, when possible and within reason: let them choose (e.g., “Do you want a banana or an apple?”; “Do you want the red or the blue pyjamas?”). This strategy can save you a few ‘nos’.
- I know it is difficult, but try not to give him a big reaction when he says ‘no’.
- Let him help you: toddlers usually love to help their parents. Let him help at the supermarket, cleaning or cooking (and yes, you will need patience to do this as well).
- Try to distract him and to make him laugh when he says ‘no’. This usually works really well and saves you from having another power struggle.
- Remember that this phase will finish. It won’t last forever!
You may find these articles useful:
I Think I Have a Defiant 3-Year-Old
Tips on Toddler Aggression: When to Worry?
I hope this information helps. I wish your family all the very best.
Love,
Ana
“My 6-year-old is having a lot of accidents, even though she was doing well and had gotten though potty training with no problems. What can I do or what is causing this?“
Given that your child is 6, I would first consult with his doctor to rule out any health condition, like a bladder infection, constipation, painful bowel movements, diabetes, or any developmental issue.
If the doctor rules out anything physical, it could be that your child is going through a potty training regression. Regressions can happen for any number of reasons: starting a new school, the arrival of a new sibling, moving home, parental divorce… If your child is going through any of these situations, give him time to adjust to this change. If your child attends school, have a chat with his teacher to find out if there is something going on that may be upsetting him.
Tell your child that you have noticed he is having more accidents and ask him why this might be. Listen to what he has to say and do what you can to support him. Do not blame him, shame him, or punish him when he has an accident. Instead, be supportive and loving. Remind him regularly to use the loo.
I hope this information helps. I wish you and your little one all the very best.
Love,
Ana
“Our doctor mentioned toddler potty training regression when I told him about our potty trained toddler having accidents on purpose. What should I do if he does have regression?”
Potty training regression is normal. Consider that children’s learning is not linear. They sometimes get stuck or may even go backwards depending on other skills they may need or depending on what is going on in their life.
There could be very different reasons for your child to have more accidents: changes in his routine, illness, or an emotional event. The important thing is that you don’t shame him whenever he has an accident and that you remind him to ask for the potty when he needs to wee. Do not punish him when he has an accident. Give him praise when he is successful.
You mention that your toddler is having accidents in purpose. I am not sure what makes you think that he is doing it on purpose. Think that toddlers don’t usually have the mental ability to do things to annoy us. So, I very much doubt that he is having accidents on purpose. It is important that you are clear about this, otherwise potty training may become a power struggle between you and your toddler, and this is something that you should avoid.
You may find these articles useful:
How Many Potty Training Accidents Are Useful?
Tips for Potty Training a Girl
I hope this information helps. I wish you and your little one all the very best.
Love,
Ana
“Thoughts on a weighted blanket for kids? Will it smother? I want to help their anxiety.“
Weighted blankets have been used for a long time, especially for children with autism of behavioural issues. They may provide benefits for people with anxiety but the reality is that there is not much research about it. So, go ahead if you want to give it a go but it may or may not help your child. Ideally, you should look for one that is no more than 10% of your child’s body weight so it is not too heavy.
Please note that you should never use a weighted blanket for children under the age of 2.
I hope this information helps. Here are some articles related to anxiety that you may find useful:
How to Help Children with Anxiety?
How to Helo a Child with Anxiety
How to Face the Exam Season: When Anxiety Runs High
Love,
Ana
“I’m having trouble potty training with my baby girl. Do you have any tips that will help?”
You are not the only parent finding potty training difficult. Potty training is a tricky period for many families. So much so that it’s a time associated with increased child abuse.
It is also very important to remember that learning to use the potty is a skill. Some children find learning new skills easier than others. It does not mean anything whether your daughter is learning this new skill fast or whether it is taking her a bit longer. She will get there.
I don’t know how old your daughter is or what kind of problems you are having but here are a few tips you may find useful:
- Remember that you need to be patient, very, very, very patient. Waiting for your child to pee can take an excruciating long time. It can be as boring as watching paint dry.
- Establish a routine: sit your daughter on the potty when he wakes up, before naps and bedtime, and after meals.
- Give her tons of praise and encouragement. Make it fun. You don’t want it to become a power struggle.
- When she has accidents, do not shame her or tell her off. Tell her that it is totally OK and remind her to tell you when she needs the potty.
- Many children get used quickly to pee in the potty but find it way harder to poo in the potty. This can become a problem, because when they withhold the poo, they can become constipated and then they don’t want to poo because it is painful. If your daughter is in this situation, giving her a diaper to poop in the bathroom next to the potty may work.
- Staying dry at night usually takes much longer because it basically requires your body to wake you up when you need to pee. This ability develops sooner for some children than for others. In general, you should only worry if your child doesn’t master this ability by the age of 6.
You may find these articles useful:
How Many Potty Training Accidents Are Normal?
I hope this information helps. Keep going, she will get there!
Love,
Ana
“Quick question: how many potty training accidents are normal when you first start potty training? Other parents told me it was so easy, some say it took a year, and I don’t know what to expect (we’re just starting)”.
As you can see from what other parents have told you, each child is different. Some children learn to use the potty quickly, whereas others find it more difficult. It does not mean anything whether your child finds it difficult or easy.
Accidents happen, they are part of the learning process. Some children may have trouble recognizing when they need to wee, whereas others may have accidents because they get too excited about what they are doing and forget that they need to the potty.
There isn’t a “normal” number of accidents. Remember to be consistent, patient and to reassure your child whenever he has an accident. With time, your child will have stop having accidents.
Have a read at this article: Tips for Potty Training Boys
I hope this information is useful. I wish your family all the very best.
Love,
Ana
My ex/baby daddy isn’t very involved with our infant daughter and keeps asking what to do with a newborn—any suggestions I can give him? I know she’s not play-aged yet but still.
Many men find it difficult to bond with a newborn. Here is a list of things that he can do with the baby:
- Take her out for a walk
- Read her a book: it is never too early to start reading to our children.
- Give her a bath: most babies enjoy bath time, and it can be a lovely time for them to be together
- Feed her: I am not sure how you are feeding her but if she takes bottles, he might enjoy it.
You may also find these articles useful:
Lullaby Songs and Why They Work
I wish you three all the very best and I hope you find these ideas useful.
Love,
Ana
“How do I stop my baby hitting me in the face? It usually happens when putting him down for bed and he cracks up afterward. So frustrating.”
I understand your frustration. The best thing you can do is not to give him a big reaction. Instead, every time he hits you, very calmly, take his hand, place it down on the bed or give him a teddy, and tell him in a neutral but firm voice say: “No, you don’t hit mummy”. Do this every time he hits you, and eventually he will stop.
Don’t give him a big reaction because even if the reaction is negative, you are reinforcing the behaviour. Behaviours that are reinforced will be repeated.
I hope this information helps and I wish you all the very best.
Love,
Ana
“Can you have depression without being sad? My son keeps saying he’s depressed but doesn’t act sad. He’s 16 so maybe it’s more of a trend than anything“.
Teenagers get depressed. It is not a trend. Your son could be depressed without acting sad. Depression looks different for everyone. Some people feel empty or worthless rather than sad.
Depression symptoms are usually sadness or a low mood that does not go away, being irritable or grumpy all the time, feeling tired a lot of the time, and not being interested in things they used to enjoy. Teenagers going through depression also may have trouble sleeping or may sleep more than usual, they may have trouble concentrating, eat less than usual or eat more than usual, spend less time with their friends and family, have thoughts about suicide or self-harm, or actually self-harm.
It is important that you take your son seriously. Try to find out what is troubling him. If he does not want to talk to you, encourage him to talk to other people in her life. I also encourage you to get help early from your doctor or a mental health specialist with expertise in teen mood disorders. The longer it goes on, the more chances that it may become a long-term problem.
You may find these articles useful:
Is Teenage Depression a School-Age Fad?
What Are your Thoughts on Anxiety Medication for Teens?
I hope this information helps. I wish you and your son all the very best.
Love,
Ana
“Is teenage depression just a school-age fad these days? It seems like my granddaughter has everything she could ever want—makeup, movie subscriptions, the iPad, a phone, so many clothes, etc.—but she’s still saying she’s depressed.”
Teenagers also get depressed. It is not a fad. Depression symptoms are sadness or a low mood that does not go away, being irritable or grumpy all the time, feeling tired a lot of the time, and not being interested in things they used to enjoy. Teenagers going through depression also may have trouble sleeping or may sleep more than usual, they may have trouble concentrating, eat less than usual or eat more than usual, spend less time with their friends and family, have thoughts about suicide or self-harm, or actually self-harm.
I know that it is difficult to understand why someone that seems to have everything is depressed, but depression may happen for many different reasons. It may be that your granddaughter has a tendency to get depressed. She may also be experiencing difficult evens, without you knowing. She could have experienced bullying, have problems with friends, or have gone through a bad break up.
It is important that you take her feelings seriously. Try to find what is troubling her. It may not be a big thing to you, but it may feel like something major for her. If she does not want to talk to you, encourage her to talk to other people in her life. I also encourage you to get help early from your doctor or a mental health specialist with expertise in teen mood disorders. The longer it goes on, the more chances that it may become a long-term problem.
You may find this articles useful: What Are your Thoughts on Anxiety Medication for Teens?
I hope this information helps. I wish you and your granddaughter all the very best.
Love,
Ana
“What are your thoughts on anxiety medication for teens? My 15-year-old daughter gets shaky and anxious before school some mornings, but I don’t know if meds are the way to go or not.”
Anxiety medications tend to be effective, but they are most effective when combined with cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). In this therapy, teenagers are taught skills to manage their anxiety and not to give in to it. With the combination of therapy and medication, their anxiety tends to diminish in a few weeks. Most teenagers are advised to start CBT first and when therapy alone does not work, adding medication is advised. For severe cases, medication can be prescribed first, to reduce the symptoms so the teenager feels well enough to start therapy.
Three are different types of medications prescribed to treat anxiety. The most common ones are antidepressants (SSRIs such as Prozac or SNRIs such as Cymbalta), benzodiazepines, atypical antipsychotics, alpha agonists, or antihistamines.
Antidepressants SSRIs tend to be the best medication for teenagers with anxiety. They improve mood by blocking the reabsorption of serotonin (a neurotransmitter that helps regulate worry and stress) in the brain. They usually work quickly (within a week or two) and have little side effects. The exact medication prescribed differs based on the teenager’s diagnosis and the severity of the symptoms.
However, it is important to know that the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) warns that in a small number of children and teenagers, antidepressants have been found to increase suicidal thoughts and behaviours.
I would urge to take to her to see her doctor or a psychiatrist with experience in teen mood disorder, so she gets a proper evaluation and the recommended treatment.
I hope this information helps. I wish you and your daughter all the very best.
Love,
Ana
“Tips on toddler aggression, when to worry? He’s hitting, biting, screaming, etc., but I did read online that some toddlers go through this and just grow out of it. But when should I be scared it’s more than that?”
Many toddlers bite, scream, and hit. They do it mostly because of two reasons. One, toddlers are gaining independence, but they still need a lot of help. At the same time, we tell them ‘no’ many times a day (e.g., “you can’t go here”, “don’t touch this…). Two, they still don’t have the verbal ability to say what they are feeling. And so, hitting and screaming is their way to communicate what is going on with them. As their communication skills get better, these behaviours usually decrease.
How to handle them? Every time he hits or bites, calmy but firmly tell him: “No, you cannot bite”; ‘You don’t hit”. If you tell him every time he behaves this way, he will stop doing those things. It is very important to be consistent and tell him this every time he does it. Do not give him a big reaction when he does those things, because a big reaction (even if it is negative) will reinforce the behaviours. And behaviours that are reinforced, will be repeated.
I wouldn’t be too concerned by it. If as his communication skills get better, he continues to do it, then it is a good idea to discuss it with his doctor.
You may also find these articles useful:
Can You Discipline a 1-Year-Old?
How to Discipline a 3-Year-Old
How to Discipline Your Child: An Age-by-Age Guide
Fostering Emotional Intelligence in Children: A Guide for Parents
I hope this information helps. I wish you both all the very best.
Love,
Ana
“Do you know how to stop a child from screaming for no reason? My wife and I are at our wit’s ends with him.“
I don’t know the age of your child but the best advice I can give you is to ignore the screaming. If every time he screams your wife and you reward it by paying attention to him, giving him what he wants, or even making a fuss about it, you are rewarding the behaviour. Behaviours that are rewarded will be repeated.
You may also try to whenever he screams, tell him in a calm but firm voice: “Do not scream, it is not nice”. You then continue doing whatever you were doing, without paying him more attention. Doing this every time he screams may make him stop.
You can also identify when it is that he usually screams: is it when he is bored? Or tired? You can try to be proactive and distract him before he screams.
I hope this information helps. I wish you all the very best.
Love,
Ana
“I think I have a defiant 3 year old. It’s so much more than pushing boundaries or testing them or whatever our pediatrician says. It feels like he hates us for just existing.”
Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) is a type of disruptive behaviour disorder that involves difficulties managing emotions and behaviours. Symptoms begin before the age of 8 and almost always before the early teen years.
All children are challenging at times and therefore it is sometimes difficult to recognize the difference between a strong-willed child and one with ODD. Children with ODD are very often angry, irritable, and defiant towards parents and other authority figures. They often show a behaviour called vindictiveness, which includes being spiteful and seeking revengeful.
Symptoms include:
Angry and irritable mood:
- Often and easily loses temper
- Is frequently touchy and easily annoyed by others
- Is often resentful and angry
Argumentative and defiant behaviour:
- Often argues with adults or people in authority
- Often actively defies or refuses to follow adults’ requests or rules
- Often annoys other people on purpose
- Often blames others for own mistakes
Hurtful and revengeful behavior:
- Says mean and hateful things when upset
- Tries to hurt the feelings of others and seeks revenge (vindictive behaviour)
- Has shown vindictive behaviour at least twice in the past six months
For some children, symptoms may happen only at home but with time, they may also appear in other settings, such as school or with friends. Children with ODD tend to have problems with relationships, school, and peers.
If after reading this information you still think your child may have ODD, seek help from a child psychologist or child psychiatrist with expertise in this area. Treatment usually involves: Parent management training (PMT), talk therapy, and school-based interventions.
I hope you find this information useful. I wish you and your child all the very best.
Love,
Ana
“Why do kids bite themselves? My nanny told me about my two toddlers biting themselves. I don’t understand why it would happen.”
This is not an uncommon behaviour. Toddlers do not have the verbal ability to explain what they are feeling, or what they want. Sometimes the only way to express it is by biting themselves, or biting or hitting others.
This behaviour usually disappears when they learn to speak and are able to say what is happening to them. At the same time, with age, they become better able to regulate their emotions and don’t need to bite themselves. The best thing to do when they bite themselves is to gently distract them.
If the biting continues after the toddler years, it is worth discussing it with your paediatrician.
You may also find these articles useful:
Fostering Emotional Intelligence in Children: A Guide for Parents
How to Encourage my Toddler’s Speech Development
I hope this information helps. I wish you all the very best.
Love,
Ana
“Is touching yourself a sin in christian theology? single mom and my teen daughter is very open with her sexuality, but my mother says she’s going to go to hell for exploring herself”.
From a psychological point of view there is nothing wrong with exploring oneself. In fact, it is a healthy part of sexuality, and it is totally normal for teenagers to be curious about it. Whatever your religious beliefs are, it is important not to shame your daughter for touching herself. It is absolutely fine for her to do so.
I hope this helps!
Love,
Ana
“What do I do to have my partner help me more? My husband wouldn’t even watch the baby for a night while I visit my sick mother an hour away”
I am sorry you are feeling this way. Having a baby is tough and the fact that you are not feeling supported by your husband, makes it even harder and very lonely. I hear you.
It is very important that you talk to your husband about it to make him understand how you feel. Ideally, you want to have a constructive conversation with him and not to end up fighting. So, tell him ‘nicely’ how you feel. Do not accuse or blame him. Make him see the issue from your point of view and tell him that you feel hurt and not supported.
It is important that you work on the emotions you are feeling. It is absolutely fine for you to feel angry, upset, disappointed and everything in between. Acknowledge whatever you are feeling, so you avoid feeling resentful towards your husband. When resentment gets in a relationship, it can destroy it.
Process your feelings, but this does not mean letting him off the hook. If you cannot work on this on your own, couples therapy would work well for you both. If he does not want to do it, you can do it on your own. Do get in touch with me if you would like to explore this.
In therapy, you could work to achieve a fair division of labour in your marriage. In most heterosexual couples, it is still the woman who does most of the childcaring and the housework. This is the case even in couples where both members work outside the home and even when the woman makes more money than the man. This lack of equality is dangerous because it brings unhappiness to women, and when this happens, the marriage is likely to struggle. When the couple shares the load, the family does better.
You may also find these articles useful:
I Feel Like a Mom Slave: What Do I Do?
What Is a Fair Division of Labour in a Marriage?
I wish you all the very best.
Love,
Ana
“I know I shouldn’t have done it, but I read my 12 year old’s diary. The most recent entry was after a lovely day out to the beach when we all seemed perfectly happy, but it read “why do my parents hate me”. I’m so confused and saddened by this, what should I do?”
As you say, reading your daughter’s diary is never a good idea. In general, teenagers who believe their parents have invaded their privacy go on to have higher levels of conflict at home.
Always, remember that rather than snooping on our children or trying to control them, what we want to achieve is a good, loving and trusting relationship with them, so they confide in us. Having said this, teenagers will always keep parts of themselves to themselves, as we all do. You cannot expect your daughter to tell you everything that is going on in her life.
I understand that you feel bad about having read the diary. You should ask yourself why you read the diary. Were you just snooping? Or did you read it because you are worried about her? I think that whatever your reasons, you should keep in mind that even if you shouldn’t have read it, you did it from a place of love, so don’t be too hard on yourself. Understand your motives, forgive yourself, and work on processing those feelings of confusion and sadness you are experiencing.
You have two options: tell your daughter what you did or not tell her. I cannot tell you what to do. If you tell her, you need to apologize and you will have to face her anger. Telling her, may damage your relationship at least for a while. If you don’t tell her, you are lying to her by omission. She may feel that something is wrong between you two, even if you don’t say anything.
I hope this information helps. It may definitely be a good idea to discuss this issue and your feelings about it with a qualified therapist. Do get in touch with me if this is something you would like to do.
I wish you both all the very best.
Love,
Ana
I need my daughter to put my grand son on a diet because fat kids get bullied. What do I say to convince her? She just gets mad everytime I bring it up
I think it is wonderful for your daughter and grandson to have an involved grandparent. It is not uncommon for disagreements to arise between grandparents and their adult children about how to raise their children.
It is fantastic that you worry about your grandson but at the end of the day, you must remember that your daughter is his mother, and therefore she is the one in charge. You have already told her your concerns. Now you need to respect her choices. Otherwise, you may end up damaging your relationship with her.
In terms of your grandson being fat, in my opinion, the main issue is not whether he will be bullied or not (although I understand your concern) but whether he is healthy or not. I don’t know how old he is, but I presume that he has medical checkups every so often? If the doctor thinks that your grandson is overweight, he will be the one recommending that he goes on a diet.
On top of this, it is always a good idea to talk to our children about bullying, why it is wrong and how to handle it.
I hope this information helps. I wish you all the very best.
Love,
Ana
