Traditionally, the field of psychology talks about four parenting styles: Authoritative, authoritarian, permissive,and neglectful. More recently, other parenting styles, such as helicopter parenting, gentle parenting, attachment parenting, or free-range parenting have emerged.In this article, we are going to explain what the research says about helicopter parents and how they influence their children.

In this article, we are going to explain what the research says about helicopter parents and how they influence their children. 

Are You a Helicopter Parent?

Helicopter parents ⁽⁴⁾ tend to:

• Fight their child’s battles: They involve themselves too much in their children’s lives. 

• Do their child’s homework: In their quest to help their child, they may end up overstepping. 

• Keep close tabs on their children: They may know or attempt to know everything about their child.
• From romantic relationships, friendships, to life at school. 

• Be very concerned about safety: Parents may monitor their teenager’s phone and know where their child is at all times through their device. 

• Blame others for their child’s failures: Helicopter parents may blame the teacher when the child has poor grades.

• Put a lot of pressure on their child: They tend to expect a lot from their child. 

• Micromanage their child: they become involved in every aspect of their child’s life to protect them from pain and disappointment. In toddlerhood, the parent might not allow their child to be alone, through childhood they select their child’s friends and do their homework, and in adolescence they may call teachers to discuss poor grades. 

What Are the Characteristics of Children Raised by Helicopter Parents?

They are more likely ⁽⁵⁾ to: 

• Suffer anxiety.

• Suffer depression.

• Use prescribed medication: Children of helicopter parents are more likely to have mental health issues, and therefore they are more likely to be prescribed medication. 

• Use recreational drugs: Drugs can be a coping mechanism for these children because they have not been allowed to develop effective coping mechanisms nor self-regulation. 

• Feel generally worse.

• Have problems to regulate themselves.

• Have low self-efficacy: Self-efficacy refers to whether we believe we can solve our own problems. When you solve your child’s problems, you are giving them the message that they are not able to solve them on their own. At the same time, you are not letting them develop the necessary skills to solve those problems.  

• Achieve poor academic results: Helicopter parents tend to reduce children’s intrinsic motivation to learn by placing more emphasis on extrinsic motivators (e.g., grades, rewards, parents’ approval). 

• Develop a sense of entitlement: Because parents have always been there to help, children may get used to always having their way. 

It is important to note that most studies find that teenagers and young adults raised by helicopter parents, are more likely to show some or many of these characteristics. This means that the effects of helicopter parenting could be long lasting. 

However, does this mean that all children raised by helicopter parents will develop these characteristics? Not at all. I am explaining here what the research says but it does not mean that these findings apply to every single child. 

Does this mean that having a helicopter parent is enough for children to develop anxiety and depression and all the other characteristics mentioned above? Probably not but we are not sure. There are many factors that explain why a child, or a teen develops these characteristics. Having a helicopter parent is a factor that it makes it more likely, but it is probably not enough on its own. 

Why Is It Bad for Children to Have a Helicopter Parent?

Helicopter parents act from a place of love, but they lose perspective of their child’s needs and become too meshed with their children’s lives. 

Helicopter parents tend to act from a place of fear. When parents are too controlling and protective, they are essentially sending the message to their children that they are not able to overcome and solve their own problems. They are telling them that they need help to deal with life. Helicopter parents prevent their children from developing resilience and self-confidence. 

I Am a Helicopter Parent: How Can I Become More Authoritative?

• First, do not feel guilty. You are acting from a place of love. 

• Know that we can change our parenting. It will not be easy but if you are ready to do the work, you will get there! 

• Rather than trying to change everything at the same time, focus on changing specific behaviours.

• Gradually give your child space. 

• Rather than making the decisions for your child, help them make decisions. Instead of telling them what assignment topic they have to do, discuss the options with them and let them choose (yes, even if you do not agree with it). 

• Allow your child to make mistakes. This is tough, but children need to fail, so they can develop their regulation skills and become resilient. If you never let them fail, they will not be able to face the first problem they encounter and they crumble. 

• Assign chores and age-appropriate responsibilities. Depending on their age, gradually start to assign them tasks. These can range from loading the dishwasher, taking out the bins, walking the dog, to making their own packed lunch and making their own way to school. You may need to teach them first how to do it, even if you think they should know how to do it (this process is called ‘scaffolding’). 

• Our REC Parenting therapists can help you to become more aware of your parenting practices and help you develop strategies to become a more authoritative parent. Get in touch with me now and start working with your therapist tomorrow!

However, Research on Helicopter Parenting Is Not That Simple…

• Most of the studies on this topic are correlational. What does this mean? It means that most studies find a relationship between helicopter parenting and negative outcomes for children, such as depression and anxiety but we cannot conclude for sure that helicopter parenting causes these effects. It could also be that children who for example, show depression or anxiety symptoms, provoke their parents to behave in a ‘helicopter’ manner. The way to know if helicopter parenting really causes those symptoms or if those symptoms cause helicopter parenting is to conduct longitudinal studies. Longitudinal studies take time and are expensive to run. So far, there are only a few longitudinal studies in this area. What did they find? That helicopter parenting causes anxiety and depression. However, more research is needed so that we can confidently trust the existing research.

• Another tricky topic when examining helicopter parenting is how it is measured. Many studies ask parents to report on their parenting style. The problem with this is that parents tend to paint a ‘better’ picture of themselves and therefore their reports may not be accurate. Other studies ask the children to report on their parents’ parenting. The problem with this is that children tend to give a harsher picture of their parents. Also, their recollection may not be accurate. In general, research finds that what matters most for children’s development is not what their parents think they are doing but what the children perceive ⁽⁶⁾ their parents doing. In other words, it does not matter much if you think you are a warm and supportive parent, if your child does not perceive you as such. 

• It is also important to note that most studies only examine mothers, leaving fathers ignored. This leaves us with an incomplete picture of the family dynamics involving helicopter parenting and its effects on children. 

We all want to protect our child from harm, but we must remember that the best way to protect our children is not to solve all problems for them but to teach them to solve their problems. We must let them fail, so they can learn to solve and cope with their problems. Let’s prepare our children to face the road, instead of making the mistake of trying to prepare the road for our children. 

Get in touch.

Lots of love, 

Ana

Dr Ana Aznar

References

⁽¹⁾ LeMoyne, T., & Buchanan, T. (2011). Does ‘hovering’ matter? Helicopter parenting and its effect on well-being. Sociological Spectrum, 31(4), 399–418. https://doi.org/10.1080/02732173.2011.574038

⁽²⁾ Srivastav, D., & Mathur, M. L. (2020). Helicopter parenting and adolescent development: from the perspective of mental health. Parenting-studies by an ecocultural and transactional perspective.

⁽³⁾ Kuppens, S., Ceulemans, E. Parenting Styles: A Closer Look at a Well-Known Concept. J Child Fam Stud 28, 168–181 (2019). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-018-1242-x

⁽⁴⁾ Nelson, L. J., Padilla-Walker, L. M., & McLean, R. D. (2021). Longitudinal predictors of helicopter parenting in emerging adulthood. Emerging Adulthood, 9(3), 240-251.

⁽⁵⁾ Vigdal JS, Brønnick KK. A Systematic Review of “Helicopter Parenting” and Its Relationship With Anxiety and Depression. Front Psychol. 2022 May 25;13:872981. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2022.872981. PMID: 35693486; PMCID: PMC9176408.

⁽⁶⁾ Aznar, A., & Battams, F. (2023). Emotion regulation in emerging adults: Do parenting and parents’ own emotion regulation matter?. Journal of Adult Development, 30(2), 193-204. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10804-022-09427-2

Photo credit: Kenny Eliason via Unsplash

Screens and children’s mental health have been on the news a lot these past few days. Partly because of a few parent-led initiatives calling for smartphone-free childhood, and partly because of psychologist Jonathan Haidt’s new book: “The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness”. There is a lot of contradictory information on this issue and at the same time it is an issue that deeply worries parents, so I thought we could dedicate this week’s blog to clearly explain what we know so far about it. 

Are Smartphones to Blame for Children’s Mental Health Problems?

Since the early 2010s children’s mental health has sharply declined. Data from the US, Canada, the UK, Australia, New Zealand, and other industrialized countries show how rates of anxiety, depression, and self-harm are higher than in any other generation for which we have data. 

The decline in children’s mental health coincided roughly with the arrival of smartphones and so it is easy to assume that one causes the other. However, the research doesn’t paint such a clear picture: 

• Most research finds a relation between smartphone use and children’ mental health but most of it is correlational. What does this mean? It means that a relation is found between smartphone use and children’s mental health, but we cannot assume that smartphones are the cause for children’s poor mental health. Remember: correlation doesn’t mean causation. 

• This relationship tends to be weak.

• Not all studies find a relation between smartphone use and children’s mental health.

What Other Factors May Be Influencing the Decline of Children’s Mental Health?

• Intensive parenting: In the last few decades, parenting has become much more labour-intensive. This way of parenting requires parents to spend a great deal of energy, money, and time on their children’s well-being. Yet, research suggests that intensive parenting is not beneficial for children. It may lead to children feeling less competent, feel more depressed and more anxious. 

• An increasing competitive society: children and teenagers report how academic pressure is worsening their mental health. 

• Less outdoor, unsupervised play: Children are spending less time than ever before engaging in unsupervised, outdoor play. Outdoor play is especially beneficial for children because it allows them to experience challenges, understand risk, build confidence, resilience, and independence. 

How Worried Should I Be About How Smartphones and Social Media Will Impact my Child?

There are three factors that we should consider: How children use the phone; the things children stop doing because they are using their smartphone; and who your child is.

Let’s have a look at each one of them. 

• How children use the phone: For many years, researchers and parents have been more focused on how much children use their phones than on how they use their phones. We should really focus on how they use their phones. It is not the same if your child spends two hours chatting or playing a video game with their friends than if they spend the same two hours watching porn or engaging with content that may be harmful. 

• What your child’s screen time is preventing them from doing: If your child is not exercising, going out with friends, spending time with their family or studying because they are with the phone, we may have a problem in our hands. As with most things in life, moderation is key. 

• Who your child is: It is difficult to know how each child will respond to using a phone or social media. In general, we can say that children who struggle offline are more likely to struggle online. To give you an example, children who engage in more risky behaviour offline, like drinking alcohol or having sex, are more likely to engage in more risky behaviours online, like watching porn or sexting. 

We tend to focus on the dangers that being online may bring to our kids, but for many kids it may be a lifeline. Think of children who may be marginalized in their ‘real life’ because of their sexual orientation, political beliefs, or maybe for being neurodivergent. There is evidence that these children may find a community online and that can be immensely beneficial for them. 

What Is the Bottom Line?

Smartphones and social media have risks as well as benefits. From the research available, we can’t blame the decline of children’s mental health solely on smartphone use. Doing this is too simplistic and puts a lot of fear and pressure on already pressured and scared parents.

Screen use (as long as the content is age-appropriate) is not inherently bad. Ideally, we want to find a balance where our children can use their screens, play indoors and outdoors, do their homework, and spend time with friends and relatives. Like everything in life, moderation is key. 

In summary, keep screen time in moderation and select content wisely. Be aware of your child’s ‘online life’ so you can help them to deal with the risks that it brings. Let’s be involved in our children’s lives: whether it is online or offline. 

I hope you find this information useful. As always, if you need more support, please contact your REC Parenting therapist. Email us if you have any questions or comments.

Much love,

Ana

Dr Ana Aznar