Why is My Son Failing School and How Can I Help?

A parent asked: “My son is failing his subjects, he had to repeat grade 9 because he made low CGPA. Please assist as he doesn’t seem to be bothered.“

I am sorry to hear about this. It is not an easy situation to handle.  

In my experience, very few teenagers don’t really care about their grades. What looks like ‘not being bothered’ may be his way of coping with the situation. Perhaps he has lost his self-confidence, feels overwhelmed because he has fallen really far behind and doesn’t know how to get back on track, or maybe he is depressed.  

So, the most important question is: Why is he getting bad grades? Students typically have poor grades because: 

• They don’t understand the content. 

• They lack the executive function skills needed to succeed at school (e.g., planning, organization…). 

• There is something going on in his life impeding him to focus on schoolwork. 

First, have a chat with him and try to understand what is going on: Is he unhappy at school or at home?; Is he OK with his friends?; Is his mental health, OK?; Did his bad grades started suddenly or did they develop over time?; May he be experiencing bullying? For this conversation to work you really need to make him feel that whatever he says you won’t get angry, that you are on his side, and that you want to help him. 

You also need to talk with his teachers and include him in the conversations. It is important to include him because if he doesn’t take an active role in his learning, nothing that you do, will work.  

With his teachers, you need to rule out any potential learning disabilities (e.g., dyslexia, dyscalculia, dysgraphia), or any other conditions (e.g., ADHD). If there are any doubts, it is definitely worth asking for him to be screened. If this screening reveals any issues, you need to work on a support plan with his doctors and the school. 

Also, with his teachers and with him, discuss his behaviour at school. Does he pay attention in class?; Does he do his homework?; Is he accepted in the peer group?; Are there any patterns on the feedback he gets from his teachers? (e.g., perhaps they all comment on their lack of understanding of concepts, or his poor writing skills….). It is also very important that with him and his teachers, you discuss the executive skills needed to do well in school. These skills involve planning, organization, being able to pay attention, or short-term memory. As you can tell, these skills are fundamental to succeed at school but very often teenagers don’t have them well established and may need support.  

You may find useful this article on executive function skills.  

Once you all identify the issues that he may be struggling with, you all need to devise a support plan. If he is struggling to grasp new content, he may need a tutor or a homework club. If he is struggling with executive function skills, he may benefit from having a coach. If he is struggling with emotions or mental health, he may need a psychologist. This plan should have very specific goals, be measurable, and be revised periodically.  

I wish there was a recipe I could give that would sort it all out but sadly, things are never that simple. One important thing I want you to know is that your son’s poor grades are not a reflection of you as a mother. Do not measure your success based on your child’s achievements. It is also important that you take care of your own mental health. If you want further support, please do not hesitate to get in touch with me.  

I wish you and son all the best of luck. 

Ana 

Dr Ana Aznar