Category: Q&As

What Is a Narcissistic Parent?

Published : Mar 25, 2025
By Dr. Ana Aznar

What is a narcissistic parent? Growing up, I used to just think mine were strict and selfish, but now that I’m a mom, I worry that they were narcissistic parents and that it might transfer to my parenting style“.  

3D illustration of a magnifying glass over a paper bakground with focus on the word me. Concept of egocentrism

When we talk about narcissism we need to differentiate between two concepts. One is people who have narcissistic traits. These people tend to be selfish, cold, entitled and have feelings of grandiosity.  

The second concept is people who are diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. This is a mental health condition where people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. It is estimated that around 1% to 2% of the U.S. population has narcissistic personality disorder.  

These are the main characteristics: 

  • They need and seek too much attention 
  • They want people to admire them. 
  • They may not have the ability to care or understand the feelings of others 
  • They are self-absorbed. 
  • They may exploit others to their own advantage  
  • They may have self-esteem issues 
  • They are easily upset by the slightest criticism 

Some people may have narcissistic traits but not a personality disorder.  

Parental narcissism is not something that has been examined a lot. There are a few studies that have examined how narcissistic parents influence their children’s development. They found that narcissistic parents usually don’t make “great parents” mostly because they lack empathy to understand their children. They tend to be very controlling, and their children tend to do as they are told to make their parents happy and avoid conflict. Children of narcissistic parents have more chances of experiencing depression and anxiety.  

You may recognize some of these characteristics in your parents. However, you will probably never know if your parents were narcissistic or not, and you know what? I wouldn’t worry too much. The fact that you are here asking this question, shows that you want to be the best parent for your child, and that you are a caring and empathetic parent. This is what your children needs.  Also, consider that having difficult or narcissistic parents doesn’t dictate the type of parent that you are or that you will be. With self-awareness and some internal work, you can be the parent you want to be. Finally, remember that the perfect parent does not exist!  

I hope this helps. If you want to have a session to discuss your worries privately, do get in touch with me. We are here to help! 

Love, 

Ana 

Dr Ana Aznar 

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Comments
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Armani
2025-03-06 09:31:35
This is ethically wrong and I don't think it's worth the damage it will ultimately cause to the relationship. And the issues it will cause for the one being spied on. Just don't do it.
Meghan
2025-02-07 21:26:19
Is there a printable version of the article? I am a school based mental health professional and would like to share it with parents.
J
2025-02-03 10:52:04
This is such a great writeup. I think too often we get caught in a rutt of trying to categorise everything. Our daily lives are kind of dictated by categories and labels, certainly in a digital world.

I'd imagine this is quite deteremental for a childs development in the long run as nothing stays the same forever, and we shouldn't really be making these categorisations, especially towards our children.

Just live life, sometimes you'll have to be the parent that's the shoulder to cry on. The week after you may have to raise your voice a little when everyone is in a rush and you're trying to get your children's shoes on.

Just balance it all out, don't be too self critical and pick up on what your child wants and needs.

Again, great writeup!
Dr. Ana Aznar
2024-09-13 12:51:46
Dear Robert,
Thank you so much for your comment. I totally get what you mean. It is always difficult to have kids living with you, wanting to support them and their parents but at the same time not wanting to step in anyone's toes. If there's anything we can do to support you and your family, please do not hesitate to get in touch with us.

Ana
Robert Eisenbart
2024-09-10 00:43:07
Great Article! I'm a retired FNP. Years ago I taught a STEP program to parents via family court cases. I now have a daughter and her man disciplining three children 4, 8, and 10. The 10 year old has ADHD and my personal diagnosis is she's also Oppositional/Defiant. I believe the OD came from harsh discipline. All they seem to do is punish and threaten physical punishment. They say positive reinforcement didn't work however they tried it for about 2 months and then went back to punishment. I can't reason with them as "they are the parents"!! is all I hear. They all live with me and have since the oldest was about 2. Sadly I can see the other 2 developing issues like anxiety and aggression as well. Trying to show them another side of adult supervision when I have them but frustrating.
Dr. Ana Aznar
2024-09-02 20:48:07
Really glad you found it useful! Thank you for being here and for your comment.

Ana
avenue17
2024-08-30 11:17:25
I doubt it.
Dr. Ana Aznar
2024-05-17 09:55:58
Hi Donna,
sO great to have you here! Totally agree that Zara is great! What other topics would you like us to discuss?
Ana
Donna
2024-05-17 09:49:36
Love Zara’s ways of teaching for both parents & kids! Also so helpful. We want more!! (Please!) :D
Ana Aznar
2024-05-08 07:24:31
We are glad you found the content useful! Many thanks for being here.
Ana
Cristoj
2024-04-09 18:20:19
Great article!!!
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