Category: Q&As

 I am Newly Separated and Struggling

Published : Mar 25, 2025
By Dr. Ana Aznar

I am newly separated and completely overwhelmed with all of the stupid little things that I never thought of previously, like do both parents have to pay school fines if separated? What if my daughter still wants to do a family Halloween costume this year? Will she understand if her birthday cards are not signed from both mommy AND daddy (or should I even still do that)? I suppose I am just exhausted and am looking for some advice/support as a newly separated mother. I’m also on the spectrum, if that makes a difference.” 

Sad and tired mother with her baby girl at home.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is totally normal for you to feel overwhelmed. All those little things are a lot when you add them together!  

One important thing that you must remember is that divorce is not bad for children per se, what can be negative for your children is if your ex and you have a very conflictive relationship. I know that it is not always easy, but as much as you can, try to get on well with your ex for the sake of your children.  

I strongly recommend that you and your ex create a parenting plan. A parenting plan is a document where you both agree on all these issues that you are mentioning. This way you create a clear set of guidelines and avoid future disagreements. If you get on well, you both can do it together. If your relationship is not that good, you may need the help of a family mediator or a lawyer. You can find two parenting plan templates in the first link below. 

Finally, please remember that this is a very difficult moment for you. You need to be strong, because you deserve it, and because if you are not strong, you won’t be able to take care of your children. If you need 1-2-1 support, please do get in touch with me. I am here to help.  

You may also find Support Pay useful to organize your finances. All REC Parenting customers have a 20% discount using the code: SUPPORTPAY at checkout.  

You may find these REC Parenting articles useful: 

Create a Successful Parenting Plan (& Parenting Template Ideas) 

Should We Divorce or Stay Together for the Kids? 

Magpie Parenting: What Is It About? 

Lots of love,  

Ana 

Dr Ana Aznar 

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Comments
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Armani
2025-03-06 09:31:35
This is ethically wrong and I don't think it's worth the damage it will ultimately cause to the relationship. And the issues it will cause for the one being spied on. Just don't do it.
Meghan
2025-02-07 21:26:19
Is there a printable version of the article? I am a school based mental health professional and would like to share it with parents.
J
2025-02-03 10:52:04
This is such a great writeup. I think too often we get caught in a rutt of trying to categorise everything. Our daily lives are kind of dictated by categories and labels, certainly in a digital world.

I'd imagine this is quite deteremental for a childs development in the long run as nothing stays the same forever, and we shouldn't really be making these categorisations, especially towards our children.

Just live life, sometimes you'll have to be the parent that's the shoulder to cry on. The week after you may have to raise your voice a little when everyone is in a rush and you're trying to get your children's shoes on.

Just balance it all out, don't be too self critical and pick up on what your child wants and needs.

Again, great writeup!
Dr. Ana Aznar
2024-09-13 12:51:46
Dear Robert,
Thank you so much for your comment. I totally get what you mean. It is always difficult to have kids living with you, wanting to support them and their parents but at the same time not wanting to step in anyone's toes. If there's anything we can do to support you and your family, please do not hesitate to get in touch with us.

Ana
Robert Eisenbart
2024-09-10 00:43:07
Great Article! I'm a retired FNP. Years ago I taught a STEP program to parents via family court cases. I now have a daughter and her man disciplining three children 4, 8, and 10. The 10 year old has ADHD and my personal diagnosis is she's also Oppositional/Defiant. I believe the OD came from harsh discipline. All they seem to do is punish and threaten physical punishment. They say positive reinforcement didn't work however they tried it for about 2 months and then went back to punishment. I can't reason with them as "they are the parents"!! is all I hear. They all live with me and have since the oldest was about 2. Sadly I can see the other 2 developing issues like anxiety and aggression as well. Trying to show them another side of adult supervision when I have them but frustrating.
Dr. Ana Aznar
2024-09-02 20:48:07
Really glad you found it useful! Thank you for being here and for your comment.

Ana
avenue17
2024-08-30 11:17:25
I doubt it.
Dr. Ana Aznar
2024-05-17 09:55:58
Hi Donna,
sO great to have you here! Totally agree that Zara is great! What other topics would you like us to discuss?
Ana
Donna
2024-05-17 09:49:36
Love Zara’s ways of teaching for both parents & kids! Also so helpful. We want more!! (Please!) :D
Ana Aznar
2024-05-08 07:24:31
We are glad you found the content useful! Many thanks for being here.
Ana
Cristoj
2024-04-09 18:20:19
Great article!!!
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