How to Help Children with their Anxiety?

“Advice for anxiety in children under 10?” 

Anxiety is a feeling of worry, unease or fear. It is experienced as a mix of feelings, thoughts and physical sensations in our body.  

We all feel anxious at times. It is the emotion we are meant to feel when we are facing some situations. For example, it is ok and even good to feel anxious before an exam, because that anxiety will motivate us to revise. The problem is when the anxiety becomes too much, and it paralyses us and affects our everyday life.  

The best thing we can do for a child that feel anxious is to help him manage the anxiety. It is a good idea to help your child understand how anxiety works. First, help your child identify what situations make them anxious. Is it facing an exam, going to a friend’s house, doing a new activity, having a sleepover? Help him identify when he feels anxious and how he feels when he is anxious. For example: “Do you feel a knot in your stomach?, Do you feel your heart is racing?, do you get sweaty palms, do you get scary thoughts? Explain that anxiety, like any other emotion, passes and that we all feel it at times. 

Once you both identify those situations, you can think of a few strategies that may help him relax. For example:  

• He can take ten deep and slow breathings  

• He can put very cold water on his wrists

• He can picture a place or someone that makes them him happy (e.g., the beach, his bedroom, his dog…)

• You can role play a new situation that is making him anxious. For example, if he gets anxious whenever he has to do something new, walk him through what will happen. Doing this, will help him feel more in control.  

He does not need to do all these things each time, it is about figuring out which of these strategies work for him. Some children find useful to have a worry box, where they can write and place all their concerns. Others find useful to have ‘worry-time’, for 10 minutes they can say all the things that worry them and then they go back to their activities. If you do either of these two activities, do not do them before bedtime.  

Remember that the goal is not to eliminate anxiety from your child’s life but help him manage it. You cannot promise your child that he won’t face problems but you can tell him that you are confident that he is able to face them, even if sometimes it will be difficult. Respect his feelings but don’t empower them. For example, if he is anxious because he is going to the doctor, say something like: “I know you are anxious and it is ok. I am here with you”. 

Finally, watch the movies Inside Out and Inside Out 2. These two movies are really helpful to discuss emotions with our children. The first one does not discuss anxiety but the second one does.  

You may also find these articles useful: 

How to Help a Child with Anxiety 

How to Face the Exam Season: When Anxiety Runs High 

Fostering Emotional Intelligence in Children: A Guide for Parents  

I hope this information helps you. If you want to discuss further how to support the specific needs of your child, do get in touch with me.  

Love,

Ana

Dr Ana Aznar