How to Help a Child with Anxiety

“how to help kids with anxiety? my son has been showing signs of depression and anxiety, like not going to school, refusal to eat, and not wanting to speak to other children his age. It’s turned his little sister into a scared child as well, because she doesn’t understand. I don’t know anything about anxiety and depression treatment myself. Thank you in advance.”

I am sorry to hear your son is going through this. 

Just like adults, children feel anxious at times. But if your child’s anxiety is affecting his everyday life, he needs support. 

Here are the things you can do:

• Try to find out what is going on for him. Once you understand what is going on, you will be in a better position to make changes that can help him. Try to do with him an anxiety iceberg. This is how it works. Draw the iceberg. At the top, the part above water, write the behaviours you can see: his crying, not going to school, not eating, not speaking to other children…. Then  discuss with him what is happening underneath the water, the things you cannot see. You can ask him: “I wonder what is happening inside of you? I wonder if you are struggling with your friends…. I wonder if you are finding schoolwork confusing… I wonder if you are finding the school too loud….” Encourage him to say what is going on. Write it down on the iceberg, or even better ask him to write it down himself, or to draw it (depending on his age). 

• Once you have done this exercise, you may have a better idea of what is going on. I would then talk to his teachers. Ask them to tell you how your son is doing at school. Does he seem happy? Is he alone at break times or is he with friends? Does he pay attention to the teachers? Does he focus on his work? Are his grades OK? 

• Given that your son’s anxiety is affecting his day-to-day life, I would encourage you to find professional support. If you get in touch with me, I will connect you with a therapist that will suit his needs. The therapist will work with him to manage his anxiety and will also give you tools and techniques to support him. Once the therapist has seen him, report back to the school, so you are all on the same page, and work together to support your child. 

• Finally, remember to take care of yourself. You are doing a lot by being present and supportive. The best thing you can do is to give your son, love, structure and a belief in his ability to cope, even when he doesn’t believe in himself. 

You may also find these articles useful:

Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA): Everything You Need to Know

How to Face the Exam Season: When Anxiety Runs High

Fostering Emotional Intelligence in Children: A Guide for Parents

I hope this information helps. 

Lots of love, 

Ana

Dr Ana Aznar