Category: Q&As
How Do I Tell my Parents to Back Off?
Published : Mar 25, 2025
By Dr. Ana Aznar
“How to convince your parents to butt out of your parenting life cuz I’m a teen mom living on my own but my parents won’t stop trying to insert themselves into our lives.”
It is understandable that you want your independence and at the same time you need to try to understand that your parents want to help you and your baby because they love you. All teenagers distance themselves from their parents, and many parents find this process difficult. The fact that you are going through this process while having a baby of your own may be making it more difficult for your parents.
So, what can you do?
- If you tell your parents that they are inserting themselves into your life, they may not understand what you mean. It is always better to give them concrete examples. Why don’t you write a list of the things you find intrusive? For example, I think that you are intruding when…:
“You come to my place announced”,
“You give me unsolicited parenting advice’, or
“You tell me that my way of doing things is not right”.
- Once you have this list, tell them in a nice way how you feel. It may be something like: “Mum and Dad, I really love you and I know that you are trying to help but I need some space to find my feet as a mum. I find it too intrusive when you do…, could you please try to stop doing it?”. See how they react, you may not want to go through the whole list at once. It may be better to tell them in small doses.
- Whenever they give you unsolicited parenting advice, try saying things like: “I appreciate you want to help but I think I am going to try it my way first” or ““I know that you have more experience than I do but I need to figure things out by myself”.
- If you and your parents are up to it, having a session with a family therapist, may help you deal with these issues and find ways to solve them. Do get in touch with me if this sounds like a good idea.
You may find this article helpful: How to Deal with Unsolicited Parenting Advice
I wish you and your family all the very best.
Love,
Ana
Leave a comment
Comments
Pia Satrustegui
2025-03-28 10:13:56
Querida Ana,
Maravilloso artículo sobre la serie Adolescentes y consejos de gran ayuda en una etapa tan complicada de nuestros hijos , tan desprotegidos frente a las nuevas tecnologías.Es una ayuda tremenda para nosotros. Muchas gracias
Maravilloso artículo sobre la serie Adolescentes y consejos de gran ayuda en una etapa tan complicada de nuestros hijos , tan desprotegidos frente a las nuevas tecnologías.Es una ayuda tremenda para nosotros. Muchas gracias
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Armani
2025-03-06 09:31:35
This is ethically wrong and I don't think it's worth the damage it will ultimately cause to the relationship. And the issues it will cause for the one being spied on. Just don't do it.
Meghan
2025-02-07 21:26:19
Is there a printable version of the article? I am a school based mental health professional and would like to share it with parents.
J
2025-02-03 10:52:04
This is such a great writeup. I think too often we get caught in a rutt of trying to categorise everything. Our daily lives are kind of dictated by categories and labels, certainly in a digital world.
I'd imagine this is quite deteremental for a childs development in the long run as nothing stays the same forever, and we shouldn't really be making these categorisations, especially towards our children.
Just live life, sometimes you'll have to be the parent that's the shoulder to cry on. The week after you may have to raise your voice a little when everyone is in a rush and you're trying to get your children's shoes on.
Just balance it all out, don't be too self critical and pick up on what your child wants and needs.
Again, great writeup!
I'd imagine this is quite deteremental for a childs development in the long run as nothing stays the same forever, and we shouldn't really be making these categorisations, especially towards our children.
Just live life, sometimes you'll have to be the parent that's the shoulder to cry on. The week after you may have to raise your voice a little when everyone is in a rush and you're trying to get your children's shoes on.
Just balance it all out, don't be too self critical and pick up on what your child wants and needs.
Again, great writeup!
Dr. Ana Aznar
2024-09-13 12:51:46
Dear Robert,
Thank you so much for your comment. I totally get what you mean. It is always difficult to have kids living with you, wanting to support them and their parents but at the same time not wanting to step in anyone's toes. If there's anything we can do to support you and your family, please do not hesitate to get in touch with us.
Ana
Thank you so much for your comment. I totally get what you mean. It is always difficult to have kids living with you, wanting to support them and their parents but at the same time not wanting to step in anyone's toes. If there's anything we can do to support you and your family, please do not hesitate to get in touch with us.
Ana
Robert Eisenbart
2024-09-10 00:43:07
Great Article! I'm a retired FNP. Years ago I taught a STEP program to parents via family court cases. I now have a daughter and her man disciplining three children 4, 8, and 10. The 10 year old has ADHD and my personal diagnosis is she's also Oppositional/Defiant. I believe the OD came from harsh discipline. All they seem to do is punish and threaten physical punishment. They say positive reinforcement didn't work however they tried it for about 2 months and then went back to punishment. I can't reason with them as "they are the parents"!! is all I hear. They all live with me and have since the oldest was about 2. Sadly I can see the other 2 developing issues like anxiety and aggression as well. Trying to show them another side of adult supervision when I have them but frustrating.
Dr. Ana Aznar
2024-09-02 20:48:07
Really glad you found it useful! Thank you for being here and for your comment.
Ana
Ana
avenue17
2024-08-30 11:17:25
I doubt it.
Dr. Ana Aznar
2024-05-17 09:55:58
Hi Donna,
sO great to have you here! Totally agree that Zara is great! What other topics would you like us to discuss?
Ana
sO great to have you here! Totally agree that Zara is great! What other topics would you like us to discuss?
Ana
Donna
2024-05-17 09:49:36
Love Zara’s ways of teaching for both parents & kids! Also so helpful. We want more!! (Please!) :D
Ana Aznar
2024-05-08 07:24:31
We are glad you found the content useful! Many thanks for being here.
Ana
Ana
Cristoj
2024-04-09 18:20:19
Great article!!!
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