Understanding Parallel Play

What Is Parallel Play? 

Parallel play ⁽¹⁾ is when children seem to be playing together with other children but in reality, they are just playing side by side. They do not interact with each other, nor do they share toys.  

An example of parallel play is two children quietly building their own block towers next to each other. Or for example, two toddlers playing in the same toy kitchen but each of them is cooking on their own.  

Why Is Play Important? 

Play is really important for children’s development. During play, children develop their emotional, social, and cognitive skills. During play ⁽²⁾ , children learn to make sense of the world, they explore their environment, and they learn to solve problems. Let’s also not forget that children simply like to play.  

Children must be allowed to play because it is fundamental for their development. Play is not just something children do. Play is children’s work.  

There are reports suggesting that children are playing less than previous generations used to. Or at least, that they are engaging in less adventurous ⁽³⁾ and outdoors play. This is one of the reasons why some psychologists believe that children’s and teenagers’ mental health has gotten worse in the past years.  

When Do Children Engage in Parallel Play? 

Children engage in parallel play between the ages of 18 -24 months until around the ages of 3 or 4, when children usually start preschool. By then, children start playing cooperatively. They start playing with other children and not only next to other children.  

Remember that these ages are just approximate. Some children ⁽⁴⁾ will not engage much in parallel play, some children will start cooperative play way earlier, and some children will keep playing on their own for a bit longer. It depends on factors such as if your kid has siblings, when they start going to nursery, or how often they interact with other children. Remember that each child is different, and they hit developmental milestones a bit sooner or later. However, if you are worried about your child, always consult with your doctor.  

Why Is Parallel Play Important? 

Your child is not playing with others yet, but parallel play prepares him for social play. During parallel play, children also: 

• Observe and sometimes imitate children playing alongside them. They get curious about what the other children are doing and the toys they are playing with.  

• Start to understand that other children have feelings and thoughts, just like them.  

• Learn to share their space with other children. 

• Observe how adults interact with children 

• Develop their motor skills 

Parallel Play Concerns and Challenges 

During this stage, parents ⁽⁵⁾ often try to make their child play with other children, but they usually fail. They fail simply, because at this stage children do not yet have the skills to play together. They will get there on their own time. At this stage, just worry about giving them opportunities to interact with other children. Your child is not ‘antisocial’ because he is playing on his own at this stage of his development. He is just doing what he is ‘meant’ to be doing. He is not ready yet to make friends.  

What Are the Other Stages of Play? 

Sociologist, Mildred Parten ⁽⁶⁾ , proposed in the early 1900s that there are six stages of play: 

1. Unoccupied Play: this is how babies entertain themselves. They move and observe with no specific goal. Examples are watching everything that is around them, grasping whatever they can get hold of, or knocking over toys.  

2. Solitary Play: The child is playing totally absorbed in his own thoughts. This stage of play typically starts during the baby months and continues into toddlerhood. An example is a child reading a book or playing with his stuffed animal without interacting with anyone.  

3. Onlooker Play (or Spectator Play): The child observes what other children are doing, they may even ask questions, but do not engage with them. An example is a young kid watching two older kids building a tower with blocks. This stage of play usually starts in the toddler years and may last until the start of primary school. It may seem that your child is not doing anything, but he is learning the social rules around play.  

4. Parallel Play 

5. Associative Play: This is when children start to interact and talk with each other. They are still quite focused on doing their own thing, but they chat with others and are interested in what the others are doing. Associative examples are drawing or playing with playdough.  

6. Cooperative Play: The goal of all five previous stages of play is to prepare children for cooperative play. This is when young children are truly planning and playing together. They work together towards a common goal. Examples of cooperative play activities are building a block tower together, playing house or role playing. This type of play tends to start during the preschool years, when children are around four years of age. It provides children with the opportunity to interact with other children and is the building block to building friendships.  

These six stages of play are not set in stone. Depending on their age, children may move from playing cooperatively, to solitary, to onlooker, depending on their play environment. Children also prefer one type of play over others depending on their personality and interests.  

Parallel Play in Neurodivergent Children 

Children with autism ⁽⁷⁾ usually have problems developing their play skills. They are less likely to play with other children and tend to stay on the outside of play activities. When they engage in play, it tends not to be creative and interactive but scripted and one-sided.  This is why very often, children with autism are taught to play with other children. 

Regarding children with ADHD ⁽⁸⁾ , there is some evidence suggesting that children who played regularly in green spaces, had milder symptoms than children who played more often in built indoor or outdoor spaces. 

Takeaway 

Play in early childhood is really important. Sometimes, children are so busy with school, homework, and extracurricular activities, that they have little time to play. If you sometimes think that your child is wasting their time when they are playing, try to change this mindset. Remember that play is children’s work. This work helps the development of their social, cognitive, and emotional skills.  

Learn more about this topic, watch our masterclass on children’s play with Dr Rachel Nesbit, one of the most relevant researchers of play.  

If you have questions or comments, do not hesitate to get in touch with me.  

Love,  

Ana 

Dr Ana Aznar 

References 

⁽¹⁾ Neal, J. W., Neal, Z. P., & Durbin, C. E. (2022). Inferring signed networks from preschoolers’ observed parallel and social play. Social Networks, 71, 80-86. https://www.elsevier.com/open-access/userlicense/1.0/ 

⁽²⁾ Scott, H. K., & Cogburn, M. (2018). Peer play. 

⁽³⁾ Dodd, H. F., Nesbit, R. J., & FitzGibbon, L. (2023). Child’s play: examining the association between time spent playing and child mental health. Child Psychiatry & Human Development, 54(6), 1678-1686. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10578-022-01363-2  

⁽⁴⁾ Robinson, C. C., Anderson, G. T., Porter, C. L., Hart, C. H., & Wouden-Miller, M. (2003). Sequential transition patterns of preschoolers’ social interactions during child-initiated play: Is parallel-aware play a bidirectional bridge to other play states?. Early Childhood Research Quarterly, 18(1), 3-21. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0885-2006(03)00003-6 

⁽⁵⁾ Dyer, S., & Moneta, G. B. (2006). Frequency of parallel, associative, and cooperative play in British children of different socioeconomic status. Social Behavior and Personality: an international journal, 34(5), 587-592. 

⁽⁶⁾ Parten, M. B. (1933). Social play among preschool children. The Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology, 28(2), 136. https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1037/h0073939 

⁽⁷⁾ Groenwoud, Cameron, “The Use of Picture Prompts to Generalize Play Skills and Parallel Play for Children with Autism” (2010). Honors Projects. 53. 
https://scholarworks.gvsu.edu/honorsprojects/53  

⁽⁸⁾ Kuo FE, Taylor AF (2004) A potential natural treatment for atten-tion-deficit/hyperactivity disorder: evidence from a national study. Am J Public Health 94(9):1580–1586