Navigating Neurodivergent Parenthood

For many people, parenthood comes as a huge shift (understatement!). However, some of us can find the transition to parenthood – from pregnancy, through the post-natal period and beyond into parenting – more challenging than others. 

This can be a difficult and unsettling experience if we don’t have an understanding of why we seem to be finding things harder than those around us. However, many of us are starting to realise that there might be a good reason why we have found the parenting journey particularly challenging – and it’s not because we are “bad parents”. 

Diagnoses such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia, and other parts of the neurodivergent umbrella are much more common than previously thought, and many people are beginning to self-identify or seek diagnosis later in life. This is often prompted by the experience of parenthood – either through searching for answers to explain how we are feeling, or perhaps because our child themselves receives a diagnosis.

Many parents ⁽¹⁾ find the realisation that they are neurodivergent can help lift the weight of guilt or shame that they may have around their parenting journey, help them make sense of what they have experienced, and begin to embrace the joys of neurodivergent parenting.

So, What Is the Experience of Neurodivergent Parents, and Why Might It Be Different?

Parenthood begins long before the baby arrives, often with a complex mix of planning, adapting, and navigating social expectations. For neurodivergent parents, pregnancy can heighten sensory sensitivities, amplify emotional challenges, and disrupt established routines ⁽²⁾. Coping with sensory overload from physical changes, hormonal shifts, and medical appointments can be tough. Healthcare providers may not always have neuroinclusive practices, but this can be compounded by the fact that many pregnant people may not yet realise they are neurodivergent.  

Birth brings a moment of joy but also potential difficulty. It is not always possible to follow a birth plan and neurodivergent parents and their partners may find it more difficult to advocate for their needs at this time. Feeling out of control can be a trigger for any new parent, but may be especially challenging for autistic parents ⁽³⁾. The post-natal ward may be challenging from a sensory point of view, with overwhelming sounds, lights, and smells, plus midwifes and nurses helping with intimate care or breastfeeding who may not be aware of the need for explicit consent around touch.

Similarly, the transition to early parenthood is marked by sleepless nights, emotional highs and lows, and the need to adapt quickly. Neurodivergent parents may find the sensory demands of caring for a newborn—crying, feeding, and frequent touch—particularly intense ⁽⁴⁾. Executive functioning challenges, like managing time or balancing multiple tasks, can also become more pronounced.

For some, societal pressures to “parent perfectly” may lead to masking—suppressing neurodivergent traits to meet perceived expectations. This can contribute to emotional exhaustion and hinder the development of an authentic parenting style. This pressure can be exacerbated if we also have a neurodivergent child – which is likely, given the heritability of neurodivergence – because our child may not fit neatly into the boxes provided by society’s expectations.

So What Helps?

Embracing Strengths and Joys of Neurodivergent Parenting

Neurodivergent parents often develop unique parenting styles that may differ from mainstream narratives. Neurodivergent people tend to bring adaptability and creativity to their parenting, and may feel less constrained by society’s norms. Giving yourself permission to do what is right for YOU and your child can be incredibly liberating, particularly for parents who have spent a lifetime masking their differences and trying to “fit in”.

Parents may find they are able to tune into their child’s needs more sensitively and empathically. This means neurodivergent parents can be wonderful advocates for their child, and are also able to connect with their child’s joy in a special way. Many parents find they are more able to encourage intense interests, for example, or “stimming” behaviours (such as flicking fingers or pacing) that their child finds soothing or enjoyable. Neurodivergent parents who understand their own triggers as well as their child’s may, for example, have more insight into how best to create a sensory-friendly environment at home that meets everyone’s needs.

Sharing these wins with other people, especially other neurodivergent parents, can be hugely validating and comforting, and can form the basis of greater self-compassion in parenting.

The Importance of Community

One of the most powerful tools for neurodivergent parents is community support. Shared experiences and mutual understanding can lift feelings of isolation and provide a platform for practical lived-experience advice and emotional validation. Feeling understood can make all the difference to neurodivergent parents, who may often feel misunderstood or lacking in support. Neurodivergent parent communities can offer a safe space to exchange strategies, celebrate milestones, and address challenges without fear of judgment or a need to camouflage or mask. 

Being part of a neurodivergent community can also be essential for parents learning to embrace a “neuroaffirmative” mindset – seeing neurodivergence as difference rather than deficit, and celebrating human diversity. Feeling confident in the value of all neurotypes can help parents model this stance to their children, too.

Examples of neurodivergent community support could include:

• Online forums or local meet-ups for neurodivergent parents.

• Parent-and-baby groups that are neurodivergent-inclusive.

• Advocacy groups that offer resources tailored to neurodivergent families.

Access to Evidence-Based Information

Parenthood comes with an avalanche of advice, from well-meaning friends to parenting books and social media influencers. For neurodivergent parents, finding trustworthy, evidence-based information is especially important. The volume of conflicting opinions can be overwhelming, making it difficult to determine what works best for each individual family.

Key topics neurodivergent parents may seek information on often include managing competing sensory needs in the family; managing executive functioning challenges while parenting; emotional regulation both for parent and child; and understanding and supporting neurodivergent children.

Parents feel more confident if they can access reliable, neuroaffirmative resources—whether through neurodivergent-affirming professionals, well-researched articles, or specialist parenting programmes. These resources should always respect the individuality of each parent-child relationship, offering flexibility and validation rather than rigid guidelines. Armed with trustworthy information, neurodivergent parents often feel they are more able to advocate for their own needs where necessary, as well as for their child.

What Neurodivergent Parents Need from Society

Neurodivergent parents thrive when supported by an environment that validates their experiences and embraces their differences. Partners, families, and healthcare professionals play a crucial role in creating this environment by:

• Listening without judgment and validating the parent’s perspective on their family’s unique needs.  

• Adapting communication styles and providing clear, concise, and actionable information. 

• Encouraging self-compassion and challenging societal expectations that contribute to masking or self-doubt.  

• Providing practical help to reduce stress and avoid burnout.  

Finally

Parenthood is not about perfection, or “getting it right”. It’s about building a nurturing and loving relationship with our child, and neurodivergent parents embrace this like any other parent. Diversity in parenting styles enriches our families and creates a world that celebrates difference. Through understanding ourselves, offering ourselves self-compassion and playing to our strengths, seeking tailored resources, and building supportive communities, neurodivergent parents can thrive on this wild ride we call parenting.

About the Author

Dr Jo Mueller is a Clinical Psychologist with over 15 years’ experience specialising in work with parents and neurodiversity. She co-founded The Neurodiversity Practice alongside Drs Lauren Breese and Siobhan Higgins in order to provide trustworthy, authentic support for neurodivergent people. She hosts The Neurodivergent Parent Space, an online community for parents who want to Find Their People alongside evidence-based resources that can lighten the parenting load. The Neurodiversity Practice also run monthly webinars for neurodivergent (or wondering) parents on a variety of topics, and offer free downloadable resources. Find out more here: https://www.theneurodiversitypractice.com/parents

References

⁽¹⁾ Elliott J. K. et al. The neurodivergent perinatal experience — A systematic literature review on autism and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Women and Birth 37, 6 (2024)

⁽²⁾ Pohl, A.L., Crockford, S.K., Blakemore, M. et al. A comparative study of autistic and non-autistic women’s experience of motherhood. Molecular Autism 11, 3 (2020).

⁽³⁾ Talcer, M.C., Duffy, O. & Pedlow, K. A Qualitative Exploration into the Sensory Experiences of Autistic Mothers. J Autism Dev Disord 53, 834–849 (2023).

⁽⁴⁾ Westgate, V., Sewell, O., Caramaschi, D. et al. Autistic Women’s Experiences of the Perinatal Period: A Systematic Mixed Methods Review. Rev J Autism Dev Disord (2024).