We have always considered that only women could experience baby blues or postpartum depression. However, recent research is challenging this belief. Fathers also have postpartum depression.  

What Is Postnatal Depression? 

Postpartum depression is defined as a major depressive episode ⁽¹⁾ that occurs shortly after childbirth. The condition is most often found in women but recently, researchers have been paying attention to men.  

Can Fathers have Postpartum Depression? 

Yes, they can. A recent meta-analysis (a study of studies) that examined ⁽²⁾ over one million participants in over 30 countries concluded that men also have postpartum depression.   

How Common is Postpartum Depression? 

The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that between 10% and 20% of women experience depression at some point after childbirth. This is around 1 in 10 women. It is also estimated that approximately 1 in 10 fathers ⁽³⁾ experience postpartum depression. 

The WHO estimates that postpartum depression will become the second leading cause of disability and the most common mental illness worldwide.  

It affects men and women all over the world no matter their age, educational level, race, or socieconomic status.  

Paternal depression, as with women, can happen before or after the baby is born. Women usually show symptoms within four to six weeks after giving birth, but it can appear as late as three months after birth. In the case of fathers, it seems that they are more likely to experience depression during the first trimester of the pregnancy, and when the baby is between 3 and 6 months old ^(4).  

Why Do Fathers Have Postpartum Depression? 

In recent years, fathers have become much more involved in the life of their children. However, they are not receiving much support during their transition to fatherhood. This lack of support may be one of the factors explaining postpartum depression in men.  

Fathers also find it difficult to access healthcare services when they are struggling because postpartum depression is still considered to be a problem that only affects women by many health care professionals. 

We are also beginning to understand that men’s hormones ⁽⁵⁾ also change when they become fathers. Their testosterone levels tend to decrease. Fathers with lower levels of testosterone report having more depressive symptoms. Men not only experience a change in their hormones when they become fathers, their brain also changes. Scientists are only starting to investigate the ‘dad brain’. And it seems that their brain changes in a similar way as that of new mothers. Their brain becomes more streamlined to do what it needs to do: care for the baby.   

Other Factors that Influence Postpartum Depression in Fathers   

• Male gender role stress (MGRS):  Men who feel the pressure to behave like a ‘typical man’, are more likely to experience postpartum depression because this pressure gets worse when the baby is born. This seems to be the main factor predicting whether a man will experience postpartum depression. 

• History of paternal mental illness: this seem to be an important factor as well. When a man has had a mental illness before, he is more likely to experience postpartum depression  

• Unplanned pregnancy: fathers that find themselves in this situation have more chances of developing postpartum depression.  

• Lack of sleep is very much linked with paternal depression, especially among first-time fathers.  

• Work-family conflict: many fathers find it difficult to find a balance between work and family.  

• Marital distress: the arrival of a baby usually means that the parents’ relationship suffers. Conflict between the couple predicts depression in fathers.  

• Maternal depression: when a mother experiences depression, the father is more likely to experience it as well. After all, both mother and father experience similar problems and difficulties. From a practical point of view this means that when the father or the mother is diagnosed with depression, the other one should be evaluated. This is why in 2020, the Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics called on pediatricians to evaluate the mental health of all new parents, regardless of gender. 

• Financial burden of having a baby: the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 years old in the UK is £223,356. In the US it costs $310,605 and in Spain €109,152.  

• Lack of social support: fathers who feel better supported are less likely to experience depression ⁽⁶⁾

Symptoms of Postpartum Depression in Fathers 

Symptoms must be present for most of the day and last for at least two weeks. They can look different in men and women.  

Men are likely to experience the following symptoms: 

• Irritability, anger, sudden outbursts, or violent behavior 

• Working all the time or a lot less 

• Feeling frustrated or cynical 

• Feeling overwhelmed, hopeless, or sad 

• Loss of interest in work or favorite activities 

• Acting distant or withdrawing from friends and family 

• Impulsive behavior 

• Engaging in risky behaviours like drinking alcohol or using drugs 

• Low motivation 

• Physical symptoms like muscle or stomach aches or headaches 

• Poor concentration 

• Suicidal thoughts 

Why Does It Matter if Fathers Have Postpartum Depression? 

It matters ⁽⁷⁾ because: 

• Fathers matter and they deserve to be mentally healthy 

• The mental health of the father influences the mental health of the baby 

• The mental health of the father influences the mental health of the mother  

How Is Postpartum Depression Diagnosed? 

Postpartum depression is diagnosed ⁽⁸⁾ using the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale (EPDS). This scale should only be administered by a mental health professional. This scale was developed to identify women who may have postnatal depression. In the past few years, it has been adapted to men. It has 10 questions, like: “The thought of harming myself has occurred to me”, “I have been so unhappy that I have been crying”, or “I have been so unhappy that I have had difficulty sleeping”. Parents must answer how often they experience these symptoms.  

How Is Postpartum Depression in Fathers Treated? 

Depending on the severity of the symptoms, treatment may include: 

• Talk therapy, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) 

• Couples therapy 

• Attending support groups 

• Antidepressants: they are usually recommended when depression is more severe or other treatments have not helped.  

Tips for New Fathers 

• Exercise regularly 

• Eat well 

• Do not drink or take drugs  

• Sleep and rest when you can 

• Do things you enjoy 

• Meet with friends and family 

• Discuss your feelings 

• Do not try to be a super dad 

• Ask for help if you find yourself struggling  

Finally…. 

Having a baby is a beautiful experience but it is also very challenging. If you are expecting a baby or have a little baby and are finding it difficult, please reach out. We are here to help.  

You may also find these articles useful: 

Matrescence: Are We Finally Understanding Motherhood? 

Parenting Advice: Advice for New Parents 

Love,  

Ana 

Dr Ana Aznar 

References 

⁽¹⁾ Depression, P., & Causes, A. T. (2015). Heterogeneity of postpartum depression: a latent class analysis. The Lancet Psychiatry, 2(1), 59-67. 

⁽²⁾ Ansari, N. S., Shah, J., Dennis, C. L., & Shah, P. S. (2021). Risk factors for postpartum depressive symptoms among fathers: A systematic review and meta‐analysis. Acta obstetricia et gynecologica Scandinavica, 100(7), 1186-1199. https://doi.org/10.1111/aogs.14109 

⁽³⁾ Perinatal mental healthWorld Health Organization (WHO)https://www.who.int › … › Promotion & prevention 

⁽⁴⁾ Rao, W. W., Yang, Y., Ma, T. J., Zhang, Q., Ungvari, G. S., Hall, B. J., & Xiang, Y. T. (2021). Worldwide prevalence of suicide attempt in pregnant and postpartum women: a meta-analysis of observational studies. Social psychiatry and psychiatric epidemiology, 56, 711-720. https://doi.org/10.1007/s00127-020-01975-w 

⁽⁵⁾ Saxbe DE, Schetter CD, Simon CD, Adam EK, Shalowitz MU. High paternal testosterone may protect against postpartum depressive symptoms in fathers, but confer risk to mothers and children. Horm Behav. 2017 Sep;95:103-112. doi: 10.1016/j.yhbeh.2017.07.014. Epub 2017 Aug 31. PMID: 28757312; PMCID: PMC11703689. 

⁽⁶⁾ Chhabra, J., McDermott, B., & Li, W. (2020). Risk factors for paternal perinatal depression and anxiety: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Psychology of Men & Masculinities, 21(4), 593- 

⁽⁷⁾ Giallo, R., D’Esposito, F., Cooklin, A. et al. Psychosocial risk factors associated with fathers’ mental health in the postnatal period: results from a population-based study. Soc Psychiatry Psychiatr Epidemiol 48, 563–573 (2013). https://doi.org/10.1007/s00127-012-0568-8 

⁽⁸⁾ Cox JL, Holden JM, Sagovsky R. Detection of postnatal depression. Development of the 10-item Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale. Br J Psychiatry. 1987 Jun;150:782-6. PMID:3651732 

. 

“Should I let my teenager get a tattoo? She’s 17 and I don’t want her to make a mistake she’ll regret, but I also have tattoos and don’t want to restrict her because she can get one with parental approval in our state“. 

This is one of those parenting questions for which there is not a right or wrong answer. It depends on your values. Some parents don’t see a problem with their teen doing a tattoo whereas others forbid it completely.  

I cannot tell you what to do but what I can tell you is that how you discuss this issue with your daughters matters. Here are a few tips to discuss it in a useful and meaningful way: 

• Why does she want a tattoo? Is it because her friends are doing it, and she doesn’t want to be the only one without one? Or is this something that she wants for herself? 

• Ask her to think about it carefully and to take her time to make a decision. Teenagers are likely to act impulsively. You can maybe tell her to wait for a month or two and if by then she still feels sure that she wants it, then she can do it.  

• Where on her body does she want it? Discuss it with her. Raise important points like not doing it in a very visible place because it may be a problem down the line to get certain jobs, for example. 

• What is the tattoo going to be? Discuss the fact that it is not a good idea to tattoo the name of a boyfriend/girlfriend or any other passing trend in her life that she might dislike in a few years.  

• Discuss with her that tattoos can carry health risks, like skin reactions. Also discuss that it is very important to go to a reputable tattoo shop.  

In your case, you should also discuss  the fact that you have tattoos. She may not understand why her having a tattoo is an issue for you. Explain to her why you have doubts about her having one.  

Whether you decide to let her do it or not, try for her to understand your reasoning. Teenagers tend to comply with what you are saying when they understand the reasoning behind it. If she does not understand it, she will think that you are not being fair, and this may create problems between you two.  

I hope this information is useful and let me know how you get on!  

Love,  

Ana 

Dr Ana Aznar 

“How to remove parental responsibility from father if he is unfit? What proof do I need as a now single mother? His parents are making this so hard and I don’t have any family myself to help with advice“

I am very sorry that you are in this situation. It must be very tough for you.  

The process of removing parental responsibility depends on where you live. In most countries a parent can be deemed unfit when: 

• They have been abusive or have neglected the child. 

• They have a history of alcohol or drug abuse. 

• They have a history of mental illness that makes them unable to take care of the child. 

• Their living conditions are considering inappropriate for the child because they are dangerous or unsanitary.  

If any of these points apply to the father of your child, you will need to collect evidence. Evidence may include text messages, voice notes, social media messages, medical records and witness’ testimonies.  With this evidence, you can go to court to seek full custody of your child. Keep in mind that judges are usually very reluctant to deny contact between a parent and a child because it is considered that being cared for by both parents is beneficial for children.  

My advice would be to contact a lawyer in the area you live, as they are best placed to advise you. I imagine that you must be going through a difficult time and things may get even more difficult if you go down this route. If you need support, please do not hesitate to get in touch with me. I am here to help.  

Love, 

Ana 

Dr Ana Aznar 

“What the heck is gentle parenting and why would people do it??“

I love your question! If you follow me, you will know that I am not a big fan of gentle parenting. Gentle parenting was introduced by Sarah Ockwell-Smith in 2015. Since then, it went viral in social media. In my opinion, gentle parenting is a reaction to the way many parents these days were raised. Many parents were raised in a much more authoritarian way, and in their effort to do it differently, they have gone to the other extreme.  

Don’t get me wrong, there are some aspects of gentle parenting that are good. For example, it promotes aspects of authoritative parenting, which is the gold standard of parenting. However, there are many aspects that I don’t agree with. For example, one big problem is that it is a very intensive way of parenting that places unrealistic expectations on parents. 

I wrote a very detailed article on gentle parenting a while ago. You can find it here: Gentle Parenting: Is It Best? Have a read and let me know your thoughts! 

You may also find these articles useful: 

Parenting Styles: What Are They and Why Do They Matter? 

What Is Helicopter Parenting: Characteristics and Consequences 

Permissive Parenting Style: Characteristics and Effects 

Authoritarian Parenting: What’s It About? 

I hope this information helps! 

Love, 

Ana 

Dr Ana Aznar 

“I am newly separated and completely overwhelmed with all of the stupid little things that I never thought of previously, like do both parents have to pay school fines if separated? What if my daughter still wants to do a family Halloween costume this year? Will she understand if her birthday cards are not signed from both mommy AND daddy (or should I even still do that)? I suppose I am just exhausted and am looking for some advice/support as a newly separated mother. I’m also on the spectrum, if that makes a difference.” 

I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is totally normal for you to feel overwhelmed. All those little things are a lot when you add them together!  

One important thing that you must remember is that divorce is not bad for children per se, what can be negative for your children is if your ex and you have a very conflictive relationship. I know that it is not always easy, but as much as you can, try to get on well with your ex for the sake of your children.  

I strongly recommend that you and your ex create a parenting plan. A parenting plan is a document where you both agree on all these issues that you are mentioning. This way you create a clear set of guidelines and avoid future disagreements. If you get on well, you both can do it together. If your relationship is not that good, you may need the help of a family mediator or a lawyer. You can find two parenting plan templates in the first link below. 

Finally, please remember that this is a very difficult moment for you. You need to be strong, because you deserve it, and because if you are not strong, you won’t be able to take care of your children. If you need 1-2-1 support, please do get in touch with me. I am here to help.  

You may also find Support Pay useful to organize your finances. All REC Parenting customers have a 20% discount using the code: SUPPORTPAY at checkout.  

You may find these REC Parenting articles useful: 

Create a Successful Parenting Plan (& Parenting Template Ideas) 

Should We Divorce or Stay Together for the Kids? 

Magpie Parenting: What Is It About? 

Lots of love,  

Ana 

Dr Ana Aznar 

“How to convince your parents to butt out of your parenting life cuz I’m a teen mom living on my own but my parents won’t stop trying to insert themselves into our lives.” 

It is understandable that you want your independence and at the same time you need to try to understand that your parents want to help you and your baby because they love you. All teenagers distance themselves from their parents, and many parents find this process difficult. The fact that you are going through this process while having a baby of your own may be making it more difficult for your parents.  

So, what can you do? 

• If you tell your parents that they are inserting themselves into your life, they may not understand what you mean. It is always better to give them concrete examples. Why don’t you write a list of the things you find intrusive? For example, I think that you are intruding when…:  

“You come to my place announced”,  

“You give me unsolicited parenting advice’, or  

“You tell me that my way of doing things is not right”.  

• Once you have this list, tell them in a nice way how you feel. It may be something like: “Mum and Dad, I really love you and I know that you are trying to help but I need some space to find my feet as a mum. I find it too intrusive when you do…, could you please try to stop doing it?”. See how they react, you may not want to go through the whole list at once. It may be better to tell them in small doses. 

• Whenever they give you unsolicited parenting advice, try saying things like: “I appreciate you want to help but I think I am going to try it my way first” or ““I know that you have more experience than I do but I need to figure things out by myself”. 

• If you and your parents are up to it, having a session with a family therapist, may help you deal with these issues and find ways to solve them. Do get in touch with me if this sounds like a good idea.  

You may find this article helpful: How to Deal with Unsolicited Parenting Advice 

I wish you and your family all the very best.  

Love,  

Ana 

Dr Ana Aznar 

“Is having godparents essential to a child’s development?”  

Not at all. If you are religious and would like for your child to have godparents, great. If not, don’t worry at all. Think that there are godparents that are very involved in their godchildren’s life and there are others that are not very much involved. What is good for children is to have loving adults in their life whom they have a close relationship with. It doesn’t matter if they are a godparent, a family friend, or an aunt. Rest assured that having godparents is not essential.  

I hope this information helps! 

Love, 

Ana 

Dr Ana Aznar 

“What is a narcissistic parent? Growing up, I used to just think mine were strict and selfish, but now that I’m a mom, I worry that they were narcissistic parents and that it might transfer to my parenting style“.  

When we talk about narcissism we need to differentiate between two concepts. One is people who have narcissistic traits. These people tend to be selfish, cold, entitled and have feelings of grandiosity.  

The second concept is people who are diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. This is a mental health condition where people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. It is estimated that around 1% to 2% of the U.S. population has narcissistic personality disorder.  

These are the main characteristics: 

• They need and seek too much attention 

• They want people to admire them. 

• They may not have the ability to care or understand the feelings of others 

• They are self-absorbed. 

• They may exploit others to their own advantage  

• They may have self-esteem issues 

• They are easily upset by the slightest criticism 

Some people may have narcissistic traits but not a personality disorder.  

Parental narcissism is not something that has been examined a lot. There are a few studies that have examined how narcissistic parents influence their children’s development. They found that narcissistic parents usually don’t make “great parents” mostly because they lack empathy to understand their children. They tend to be very controlling, and their children tend to do as they are told to make their parents happy and avoid conflict. Children of narcissistic parents have more chances of experiencing depression and anxiety.  

You may recognize some of these characteristics in your parents. However, you will probably never know if your parents were narcissistic or not, and you know what? I wouldn’t worry too much. The fact that you are here asking this question, shows that you want to be the best parent for your child, and that you are a caring and empathetic parent. This is what your children needs.  Also, consider that having difficult or narcissistic parents doesn’t dictate the type of parent that you are or that you will be. With self-awareness and some internal work, you can be the parent you want to be. Finally, remember that the perfect parent does not exist!  

I hope this helps. If you want to have a session to discuss your worries privately, do get in touch with me. We are here to help! 

Love, 

Ana 

Dr Ana Aznar 

Everyone is talking about Netflix’s show ‘Adolescence’. If you haven’t watched it, I really recommend you do. I watched all four episodes in one go because I could not turn it off. It is a heartbreaking and very uncomfortable watch, but it is also beautifully filmed, and the acting is incredible. More importantly, it raises relevant questions about how much our children are being shaped by online content. A must watch for all parents. 

Adolescence is not based on one single case but on different cases that have happened in the UK during the last few years. What is going on in our society? How have we come to this? Through history, parents thought that their children were safe when they were at home, when they were in their bedrooms. This is no longer the case. The internet broke this. As parents we must realize once and for all that as long as our children have a device, they are not safe. Not even when they are at home. 

It is absolutely heartbreaking watching Jamie’s parents wondering what they did wrong. What else could they have done. What they failed to do. They failed to realize, as many of us, that our children are also being shaped by their online life. The algorithm is another factor shaping our children. We need to realize that we have to be on top of our children’s online life in the same way that we are on top of their ‘real’ life. 

Now, I am not saying that all our children have the potential to become killers just because of the online content they are watching. Not at all. I am just saying that we need to be much more on top of what they are doing online because there are some really nasty people and very nasty content that our children are engaging with at a time when they are quite vulnerable, and they are establishing who they are. So, let’s not go into panic mode and let’s take this opportunity to discuss the lessons we can learn from this show.  

Concepts that Appear in ‘Adolescence’ and that We Should Be Aware of 

It appears clear in the show that Jamie, aged 13, has been radicalized online by the incel culture.

• Incel or involuntary celibate: The incel view is based on the idea that women are only attracted to men that are physically attractive. Those who define themselves as incels believe that they are not physically attractive and that they are going to be a virgin forever. The incel ideology considers that all men (including themselves) are superior to women. However, not all men are the same. They are divided into Chads (a minority of alpha males) who are at the top, Normies (a majority of average-looking betas) who are in the middle, and Incels (a minority) at the bottom. Incels bond online over being rejected by women. They develop a sense of being lonely and isolated, and become jealous of those around them who they perceive as being in happy sexual relationships. There are examples of incels who have committed crimes, like Alek Minassian, who killed 10 people in Toronto in 2018. Elliot Rodger killed six people in the US and documented his anger towards women who refused his advances. 

• Pilling: this concept is borrowed from the 1999 film, The Matrix. People can take the blue pill and live in ignorance. Or they can take the red pill and learn of the social structure that we have just discussed. Incels have added a third pill, the black pill. With this one, incels accept that this social hierarchy cannot be changed, so there is nothing they can do to change their own status. 

• Emojis: the teenagers in ‘Adolescence’ explain what the different emojis really mean for them. I think that this makes it clear that parents do not understand how our teenagers use technology to communicate with each other. Here is an explanation of what these emojis mean:

What Else Can We Learn from ‘Adolescence’?

• Set clear rules with your child about what they are allowed regarding their devices.

• Ideally children should not be allowed to have their devices in their bedrooms, especially at night. 

• Stay involved in your children’s online life: which social media platforms are they using? Who are they following? Who do they interact with? What type of content are they engaging with?  

• Discuss emotions with them, especially if they are boys. We still tend to talk more about emotions with our daughters than with our sons. Give a clear message that it is ok for boys and men to cry, to express their emotions, and to experience negative emotions. 

• Discuss sex with them and how a healthy romantic relationship looks like.

• Model what a healthy romantic relationship looks like. 

• Help them become critical thinkers. 

Finally…

We have these resources that you may find useful:

• Article: Discussing Teen Sex: Talking to your Teen about Sex

• Article: Phone Tracking: Should You Track your Child?

• Article: How to Promote Social Skills and Discuss Sex

• Article: Fostering Emotional Intelligence in Children: A Guide for Parents

• Masterclass: How to Have Difficult Conversations with your Teenager 

• Masterclass: Understanding Teen Dating Violence

I hope you have found this information useful. My aim with this article is not to scare you but to raise awareness about the fact that we need to stay on top of our children’s online life.  The question we need to ask ourselves as parents, is: Would we know if this was happening to our child? For many of us, the answer is no. We need to change this. 

If you would like some 1-2-1 support to discuss this or any other issue, just email me.

Love, 

X

Ana

Dr Ana Aznar

“At what age should I turn off parental controls on my son and daughter devices?” 

According to the American Psychological Association (APA) parents should monitor children’s social media until they are at least 15. However, think that no two 15-year-olds are the same. Some 15-year-olds are mature enough not to need parental controls, while others need them for a bit longer. It is up to you to make a judgement call based on your children. Whatever you do, turn off the parental controls gradually, so your children can adapt to their new online freedom slowly. And keep talking to your children about their online life. Ideally, you want them to tell you who they talk to, what apps they are using, and if they are having any problems or worries. Having their trust always work better than trying to control them. Use opportunities to discuss about their online life whenever you are together, and the topic comes up on the radio or the TV.  

I hope this helps! You can find me here if you need 1-2-1 support.  

Love,  

Ana 

Dr Ana Aznar 

It depends where you live. Right now, there are 63 countries where smacking children is illegal. Sweden was the first country to ban smacking in 1979. In the United Kingdom, it is only legal in England and Northern Ireland. In the US, it is legal across all states. Some states have banned corporal punishment but only in schools. 

You can find more about this topic in this article: Is Smacking Your Child Ever OK? 

Love,  

Ana 

Dr Ana Aznar 

“How do I discipline my child/teen without yelling at them? I am at my wit’s end and don’t know how to deal with my kid’s lying without ending up yelling at them.“

I totally get you and I feel for you. If it makes you feel any better, I don’t know any parent that has never yelled at their kid. I think that, unless your child is a total saint, or you have nerves of steel, it is impossible to raise a kid without ever yelling.  

Please know that yelling from time to time doesn’t harm your kids. I am talking about the: ‘PUT YOUR SHOES ON NOW!’ kind of yelling after you have told them to do it 67 times. 

When should we worry about our yelling? 

• When we say things that can hurt our kids: “You always do everything wrong!”, “Why can’t you be more like your brother?”, “Are you stupid?” 

• When we feel that our family’s normal is yelling.  

Most of the times, when we yell is because we have failed to regulate ourselves. We lose our cool and we shout. How do we learn to self-regulate? First, understand your triggers (e.g., think about when you are more likely to yell: when the house is a mess, at bedtime because you are exhausted, at mealtimes when they refuse to eat what you have cooked…). Once you understand your triggers, you can take steps to avoid reaching your breaking point. For the next few weeks, keep a ‘yelling journal’ to learn what your triggers are and then set up a plan to address them (e.g., if you end up shouting in the evenings because you are exhausted try batch cooking during the weekend, so you have one less thing to do or ask the kids to chip in). The goal is to avoid reaching your breaking point.  

Sometimes, we yell because it is how we were raised or because it is the only parenting tool we have. If you want, we can have a 1-2-1 session to discuss your situation, and I would give you some tools that you could use. Drop me an email here.  

Do also have a read at this article: Let’s Be Honest: Who Doesn’t Ever Yell at their Kids?  

Finally, let me assure you that you are a good mum, and you are doing the best you can. Just showing up here means that you care about your children, and you want to do what is best for them. Do not beat yourself up.  

Lots of love,  

Ana 

Dr Ana Aznar 

“How to deal with unsolicited advice from my own parents as a new parent” 

First of all, congratulations on your new baby. I hope you are both doing fine. And welcome to the “I am going to tell you how to raise your child” chapter of your life from anyone that comes across your path. Because the fact is that as soon as your baby is born, everyone has an opinion about how you should do it. It can be exhausting and infuriating, at a time when you are most likely feeling stretched and vulnerable.  

I would make a distinction between when you are getting unsolicited advice from your parents than when you get it from any other person. It is still frustrating but remember that your parents are saying it from a place of deep love and because they genuinely want to help you and your baby. With the arrival of your baby, the family system has changed, and you all need to readjust to the new situation. You need to find your feet as a new mum and your parents need to find their place as grandparents. You all need to redefine your roles and boundaries now that your baby has arrived.  

So, when your parents give advice try to set up your boundaries by redirecting the conversation. You can say things like: 

• “I appreciate you want to help but I think I am going to try it my way first”. 

• “I know that you have more experience than I do but I need to figure things out by myself”. 

• “Thank you for your advice but I am happy with how I am doing it”. 

• “I appreciate your advice, thank you”.  

• “I know how much you care about the baby and me. I am figuring out what works best for us”. 

You may find it difficult saying these things to your parents, but I don’t recommend that you stay quiet because at some point you may burst and explode, which could damage your relationship.  

Life as a new mother is deeply ambivalent. You may be feeling elated, judged, angry, in love with your baby, frightened, happy, stretched, and everything in between. This is partly because the process of becoming a mother is still deeply misunderstood. This process is called matrescence and you can read more about it in this article: Matrescence: Are We Finally Understanding Motherhood? 

I coach women going through the process of becoming mothers, because as you are experiencing, it is not easy. I would be more than happy to have a session with you (or any new mother reading) to discuss how you are doing and talk about any worry you have. You can get in touch with me here.  

Lots of love,  

Ana 

Dr Ana Aznar 

When a couple divorces, it is a good idea that they create a parenting plan ⁽¹⁾ for their children. This can be a difficult process because usually at this time emotions are running high. However, parents must keep in mind that the parenting plan is an essential tool of a successful co-parenting relationship. For a parenting plan to work, it must always prioritize the best interest of the child. 

What Is a Parenting Plan? 

A parenting plan states the responsibilities of each parent when they are separated or divorced. It discusses issues such as the children’s custody arrangement, health care, education, wellbeing, and finances.  

It is designed to meet the needs of individual families and to help parents avoid future battles. By establishing clear expectations, a parenting plan helps avoid misunderstandings and supports the children’s well-being and stability.  

A parenting plan is a living document ⁽²⁾. It can change by mutual agreement as the children grow or the circumstances of the family change.  

How to Create a Successful Parenting Plan 

Parents can create a parenting plan on their own, or with the help of a divorce lawyer, family therapist, or divorce coach.  

What Is Included in a Parenting Plan? 

A parenting plan must include: 

• A parenting time schedule: it must establish the time that each parent spends with the child. This schedule must consider the parents’ work schedules, and the children’s ages and needs. Parents must also decide how birthdays, Christmas, and holidays will be organized.  

• Communication: an agreement should be reached about how parents will communicate and what information should be shared. Parents may set up a weekly, monthly or quarterly meeting to discuss the children. If communication between parents is difficult it may be a good idea to have a communication book, covering issues like what homework children need to do, what medicines they are taking, or any other issues both parents should know about.  

• Costs and expenses: parents must agree how payments for extracurricular activities, school trips, uniforms, medical care, phone bills, clothes, or pocket money will be divided.  

• Health and medicines: parents must decide what to do and how to communicate in the case of a medical emergency, regular health care, and giving medicines.  

• Parenting issues: decisions must be made about rules at home, parenting style, discipline, extracurricular activities, religious education, screen time, sleepovers, and the child’s relationships with the extended family. 

• New partners: parents must decide when and how children should be introduced to a new partner.  

• A designation of decision-making responsibilities regarding the child. 

• A method to solve future disagreements  

Are Parenting Plans Legally Binding?  

Different countries have different rules. In general, a parenting plan can become legally binding if it is written by a solicitor and approved by the Court.  

A Parenting Plan is Much More than Deciding Custody Arrangements 

Often, we think that a parenting plan focuses on deciding the custody arrangements. But as we have seen, it is much more than that. A parenting plan if it is well designed and implemented effectively, will allow parents to co-parent their children successfully.  

Custody arrangements tend to be a contentious aspect of parenting plans. There are a few custody ⁽³⁾ options: 

• Sole legal custody: one parent makes legal decisions for the child, including education, medical treatments, extracurricular activities… This is not a very common arrangement and tends to happen only when joint custody is not considered to be good for the child, usually because the parent has a history of neglect, abuse, or addiction. The fact that one parent has the sole legal custody of a child does not mean that the non-custodial parent is completely removed from the child’s life. They can still have visitation rights and be consulted when important decisions need to be made for the child. 

• Joint legal custody: both parents have the right to make major decisions for their child. This is a common arrangement and recognizes that both parents play an important role in the child’s life. It requires effective communication and willingness to compromise by both parents.  

• Sole physical custody: the child lives with one parent (residential parent) and the other parent (non-custodial parent) has visitation rights. Depending on the nature of the parent-child relationship, visitations may be supervised or structured in a way that protects the child.  

• Joint physical custody (or shared parenting arrangement): both parents (custodial parents) have the responsibility of living with and taking care of the child. This arrangement means that both parents have equal responsibility when making decisions, but it does not necessarily mean that parenting time is divided equally between both parents. Custody and parenting time are two different issues. Parenting time depends on what is practical and in the best interest of the child. A joint physical custody arrangement can range from a child living during the week with one parent (primary physical custodial) and spending every other weekend with the other parent to for example, a magpie parenting arrangement, where the children stay in the family home and the parents go back and forth when is their time to take care of them.  

In general, it is considered that joint custody is best for the child as it keeps both parents involved in their child’s life ⁽⁴⁾.  

Examples of Parenting Plan Templates 

These are a few parenting plan templates that we like: 

Template 1 

Template 2 

If you are in the process of a separation or divorce and you would like support, do get in touch with us. Our therapists are here to help.  

Love,  

Ana 

Dr Ana Aznar 

References 

⁽¹⁾ De Bruijn, S., Poortman, A. R., & Van Der Lippe, T. (2018). Do parenting plans work? The effect of parenting plans on procedural, family and child outcomes. International Journal of Law, Policy and the Family, 32(3), 394-411. 

⁽²⁾ Garon, R. J., Donner, D. S., & Peacock, K. (2000). From infants to adolescents a developmental approach to parenting plans. Family Court Review, 38(2), 168-191. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.174-1617.2000.tb00568.x 

⁽³⁾ Nielsen, L. (2014). Parenting Plans for Infants, Toddlers, and Preschoolers: Research and Issues. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 55(4), 315–333. https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2014.901857 

⁽⁴⁾ Cheung, C. S. S., & Pomerantz, E. M. (2012). Why does parents’ involvement enhance children’s achievement? The role of parent-oriented motivation. Journal of educational Psychology, 104(3), 820. DOI: 10.1037/a0027183

“How can I help and support my 12 year old daughter who presents with autism and diagnosed with dyslexia navigate/ regulate emotions, calm her nervous system, make logical decisions and learn social cues.”

Parenting a neurodivergent child can be challenging. And sadly, often the conventional parenting advice doesn’t help. Here are some techniques you may find useful:

1. Name her feelings whenever she is having a big emotion. There is research showing that just by taking a moment to think and name what we are feeling (“name it to tame it”), we get more regulated. You can also ask her to rate from 1-5 how strongly she is feeling the emotion or to give her emotions a colour (e.g., very strong is a red, strong is a yellow, and light is a green). Get her to do this every time she has a big emotion. 
2. Discuss appropriate reactions to her emotions: once she understands what she is feeling, you can then discuss what reactions are OK and which ones are not. “I understand that you are feeling angry but hitting your brother is not OK. What can you do instead? Do you want to take five deep breaths until you calm down”. Strategies like: taking deep breaths, counting to 20, walking away from the situation, and having a calming place at home for when she needs it, will help her to calm down. Go through all of them, reflect on which ones are useful and which ones are not, and practice with her doing them whenever she has a big emotion. 
3. Discuss how her reactions affect other people: if for example, your child is very competitive and this is creating problems with other children because she yells at them whenever she loses a game, discuss with her why she cannot yell at the children. Make it clear that it is OK to feel angry, but the yelling is not OK. Then, discuss with her alternatives to manage her anger.  She can choose from the strategies that we discussed in point 3. 
4. Together, identify her triggers: this way she will understand what situations trigger her, she can be prepared, and then she can regulate herself with one of the techniques I have already mentioned. 
5. Role play: this is a great way to support her emotional regulation skills and her social skills. If there are certain situations that usually trigger her, role play with her the situation and rehearse appropriate reactions. Consider which social situations make her anxious. For example, she may feel very nervous because she is having a sleepover with a friend. You could role-play the situation with her. You could be the friend, and she can be herself. You could pretend to have the sleepover from the moment she gets to the house, what they will do after, what happens when they finally go to sleep… This way she will feel more in control of the situation, and she can plan how to act, what to say, and she can identify when she will make more anxious.

These are just some techniques that you may find useful. Keep in mind that there are many others that I haven’t mentioned. Also, consider that no two neurodivergent children are the same, so take the techniques that resonate with you and ignore those that don’t. 

I also really recommend the book Differently Wired by Debora Reber. 

If you would like to discuss in more detail the strategies that would best work for your child, get in touch with me. Remember also to take care of yourself. At REC Parenting, we can support you and your child. 

I wish you and your child, all the very, very best. 

Love,

Ana

Dr Ana Aznar

March 14 is a special date for all those who love numbers, logic, and the patterns that shape our world. It is the International Day of Mathematics, a global celebration that seeks to highlight the importance of this discipline in daily life. However, for many children (and some adults as well), math can seem like a daunting challenge or an unappealing subject. The key to changing this perception is to present mathematics in a playful and accessible way, integrating it into daily family activities. And there is no better day to explain it than PI day, or math day, because it is March 3, or, 3/14, like the number. 

Mathematics in Our Daily Lives

Although we may not realize it sometimes, mathematics is everywhere. When we cook, we follow recipes with precise measurements. When we play, we count points and apply strategies based on probabilities. Even in nature we can see mathematical patterns, such as the spiral arrangement of seeds in a sunflower or the perfect symmetry of a snowflake.

Helping children see math in their environment can make them perceive it more naturally and less abstractly. A walk in the park becomes an opportunity to look for geometric shapes, count the steps of a staircase or measure the shadow of a tree. When children discover that math is not only in books, but also in their world, their attitude toward learning changes.

Math Beyond Numbers

Mathematics is not limited to numerical operations. This discipline is key to the development of critical thinking and problem-solving. When faced with a math problem, children learn to analyze, look for solutions, and make informed decisions.

They also have a strong connection with other areas of knowledge. In music, rhythms and patterns follow mathematical principles. In art, proportions and symmetries are based on geometry. In science and technology, mathematics is fundamental to programming, physics, and engineering. Every time we pay with a credit card, there is cryptography and its complicated mathematical formulas to guarantee the security of operations. 

Helping children see these connections allows them to understand that math is a powerful tool for understanding the world and expressing their creativity.

How to Make Math Fun for Kids

For many little ones, the idea of studying math may not be very exciting. However, if we present them through games and challenges, they can become an exhilarating and entertaining experience.

There are numerous board games and math puzzles that help develop numerical and logical thinking skills. Games such as tangram encourage spatial recognition and creativity, while Sudoku introduces logic in a friendly way. Puzzles, board games, and card games are also effective ways to incorporate mathematical thinking into the daily routine. A game of rummy with grandparents strengthens the bond between generations and familiarizes them with numbers.

Another effective strategy is to pose small daily challenges. For example, when shopping, you can ask questions such as: “If each fruit costs 2 euros, how exactly can we spend 10 euros?“. In the kitchen, you can make measurement conversions or fold a recipe to practice multiplication and fractionation.

Inspiring a Love of Math

For children to enjoy mathematics, it is essential to foster a positive attitude towards it. Many times, adults transmit our own insecurities about this matter without realizing it. Instead of saying, “Math is hard“, we can say, “Math helps us think better.” And we should try to avoid phrases such as “I was bad at mathematics” because they can convey that it is something hereditary, when it is not. 

Celebrating small achievements is key. If a child solves a problem after several attempts, instead of focusing on the mistakes, we can highlight their effort and determination.

In addition, asking open-ended questions that arouse curiosity can be very effective. Why do bees build hexagon-shaped combs and not another shape? How is it possible for a bridge to remain standing? These types of questions motivate children to investigate and connect math to the real world.

Learning Math in the Digital Age

Today, technology gives us powerful tools to teach and reinforce math interactively. Apps and digital platforms can personalize learning, adapting the exercises to the pace and level of each child.

Many of these platforms use adaptive algorithms to identify areas where a child needs more practice and adjust exercises accordingly. A task that is almost impossible to do by hand.  In addition, gamification makes learning more motivating by including rewards, levels, and progressive challenges. However, it’s important to balance screen time with math experiences outside of the digital world. A good approach is to combine short sessions in apps with hands-on, real-life activities.

An excellent example of personalized learning is Smartick, an online method that adapts to the pace and level of each child with daily sessions of only 15 minutes. As it is personalized, the method works for all children: for those who need reinforcement in mathematics, for those who are doing well and want to consolidate, or for those who need a greater challenge than the one they encounter at school. Its approach based on motivation and autonomy allows children to get hooked on learning in a natural way and enjoy the process. If you would like to explore it, you can access it through this link and discover it first-hand with a special discount.

Let’s celebrate International Mathematics Day Together!

This March 14, let’s take the opportunity to discover the fascinating side of mathematics. Whether through games, experiments or explorations in nature, let’s make this date an occasion to enjoy with the family. If it’s PI Day, let’s look for circles around us 

Mathematics not only helps us solve problems, but it also teaches us to think in a structured and creative way. With the right approach, we can turn them into an exciting adventure for our children and lay the foundation for meaningful learning.

Let’s make math a fun and enriching experience for everyone!

Dr Hiwet Mariam Costa

About the Author

Dr. Hiwet Mariam Costa is an Italian psychologist specializing in developmental and educational psychology, with a focus on cognitive intervention to prevent learning difficulties in mathematics. She is the founder of Happy Mind Training and currently works on the diversity and inclusion team at Smartick. She collaborates with the Numerical Cognition Laboratory at the University of Malaga on projects related to dyscalculia assessment and intervention.

Many parents feel uncomfortable when discussing sex with their teens and leave it in the hands of the school. But we should not count on sexual education to happen only at school. It must happen also at home. In this article, we give you information and tips, so you feel more confident when talking sex.

Forget About ‘The Talk’

It is time to forget about ‘The Talk’ and the birds and the bees. Instead focus on the ‘Many Small Talks” approach. Ideally you want to talk about sex and sexuality as your child grows up. This way you normalize the topic. You are giving your child the message that it is ok to talk about it. That human sexuality is just a topic of conversation like any other.

Think about sex education as if you were building a house. At the beginning, when kids are little, talk about body parts and appropriate touch. As children grow, you can start discussing puberty and menstruation. Later, you discuss about healthy relationships, sexual intercourse, consent, sexual pressure, sexual violence, contraceptives, unplanned pregnancy, alcohol and drugs, and sexually transmitted diseases (e.g., HIV, AIDS). 

Why Is It Important to Talk to your Teen about Sex?

When parents talk about sex with their teenagers, teenagers are more likely to: 

• Practice safer sex ⁽¹⁾, especially in the case of girls 
• Start having sex later 
• Have fewer ⁽²⁾ sexual partners 

Parents who talk with their teens about sex usually focus on abstinence, safe sex, sexually transmitted diseases, and values around sexuality ⁽³⁾. However, around 50% of teenagers say that they do not talk about sex with their parents ⁽⁴⁾. 

It is important to note that it is mostly mothers that talk about sex with their children. Children usually prefer to talk about sex with their mothers than with their fathers. The way mothers talk to boys and girls about sex is different. With girls, they focus on the dangers of sex. With boys, mothers are more likely to let them control their own sexuality ⁽⁵⁾.

Why Do We Find It So Difficult to Talk about Sex?

There are many reasons why discussing teen sex is tough for parents:

• We do not know when, what, and how much to say
• We believe that our teenager is not ready to talk about sex (especially in the case of girls)
• We feel uncomfortable and embarrassed 
• We think our kids do not want to hear what we have to say
• Gender, racial/ethnic and religious factors. For example, fathers rarely talk with their daughters about sex 

Teenagers also find it difficult to talk about it with their parents. Often because they are afraid to being judged or to disappoint them.

Make it about Values

Your teenager can learn anywhere about the mechanics of sex, but they can only learn about the values of sex and sexuality from you. Explain your values clearly 

Your teen needs you to speak about sex as a parent, not as a friend. You are not their buddy when it comes to discussing sex. If we fail to give our children clear guidelines about relationships and sex, they can feel confused and insecure. 

Discuss and Model What a Healthy Relationship Looks Like

A healthy romantic relationship should be about love, respect, and caring for each other. It is important to say it aloud and explicitly to your child. It is also important that this is the relationship that your teen perceives that you have with your partner. 

Listen, Really Listen to your Teenager and Take their Opinion Seriously

Do not give your teenager a lecture. Have a conversation. It is important that your child feels listened to and accepted. Otherwise, they will close off and will not share their ideas and experiences. Even if you are outraged or concerned by what they says, keep your cool and do not overreact. 

Talk about Porn and Make it Clear that it Is Not Real Life

Your teenager will find porn. No matter how many parental controls you have installed in your devices. They will access it at a friend’s house or on their cousin’s phone. They will find it. It is a must that you explain that porn is not real life. It is not how sex in a healthy relationship looks like.

If You Find It Too Difficult, Do not Make Eye Contact

Sometimes when a topic is difficult for us to discuss, it is easier not to make eye contact. Talking about sex with your teenager may be easier while cooking, driving or going for a walk. If opportunities arise while you are watching a movie or listening to the radio, use them. You may find it easier to talk about it in a public place, so you are more likely to keep your cool.

What If my Child Does Not Want to Talk about Sex with Me?

If this is your case, try for him to talk about it with a member of your extended family- a sibling, an aunt, an uncle, or a cousin. There is some research suggesting that talking about sex with other family members, also protects teens from sexual risk behaviours ⁽⁶⁾. If you have no other family members, you can ask your GP, a trusted teacher, or a good friend to have a chat about it. 

Finally…

We have two brilliant REC Parenting masterclasses that you will find useful:

• Teen Dating Violence with Dr Kirsty Lee
• How to Have Difficult Conversations with your Teenager with Dr Tara Porter

I hope you find this information useful. Do get in touch if there are any issues concerning your teenager that you are worried about. 

Love,

Ana

Dr Ana Aznar

References

⁽¹⁾ Grossman, J. M., DeSouza, L. M., Richer, A. M., & Lynch, A. D. (2021). Father-teen talks about sex and teens’ sexual health: The role of direct and indirect communication. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 18(18), 9760. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph18189760

⁽²⁾ Secor-Turner, M., Sieving, R. E., Eisenberg, M. E., & Skay, C. (2011). Associations between sexually experienced adolescents’ sources of information about sex and sexual risk outcomes. Sex Education, 11(4), 489-500. https://doi.org/10.1080/14681811.2011.601137

⁽³⁾ Stidham-Hall, K., Moreau, C., & Trussell, J. (2012). Patterns and correlates of parental and formal sexual and reproductive health communication for adolescent women in the United States, 2002–2008. Journal of Adolescent Health, 50(4), 410-413. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jadohealth.2011.06.007

⁽⁴⁾ Robert, A. C., & Sonenstein, F. L. (2010). Adolescents’ reports of communication with their parents about sexually transmitted diseases and birth control: 1988, 1995, and 2002. Journal of Adolescent Health, 46(6), 532-537. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jadohealth.2009.11.201

⁽⁵⁾ Byers, E. S., Henderson, J., & Hobson, K. M. (2009). University students’ definitions of sexual abstinence and having sex. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 38, 665-674. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-007-9289-6

⁽⁶⁾ Grossman, J. M., Lynch, A. D., Richer, A. M., DeSouza, L. M., & Ceder, I. (2019). Extended-family talk about sex and teen sexual behavior. International journal of environmental research and public health, 16(3), 480. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph16030480

Every few years, the debate about ‘do parents even matter?’ reappears. As we hear experts claiming that parent don’t matter at all, others saying that they matter a lot, parents are left confused around the dinner table. Should we just give up and let the kids go wild?  

Not quite yet- Parents do matter. But maybe not as much or not in the way you think.  Let me explain you why.  

Do Parents Matter? 

Without a doubt: YES. First, parents are important because they provide their children with food, shelter and safety. Second, parents matter because they are their children’s main socialization agents. That is, children are not born knowing how to function in the world. Parents teach their children about social norms, values, skills, knowledge, and beliefs. Finally, parents matter because they provide children with their genetic makeup. There are traits, such as intelligence or height that are inherited to a very large extent from our parents.  

Some experts believe that parents only matter because they pass their genes to their children but that what parents ⁽¹⁾ do does not make a big difference. Other experts believe that what parents do matters. This is, indeed, part of the old nature vs nurture debate.  

What Matters for Children’s Development: Their Genes or the Environment?  

The short answer is that both matter. There are traits such as intelligence ⁽²⁾ or whether a child is a picky eater ⁽³⁾ that are very much inherited from our parents. We know this because children who are adopted tend to have an IQ more like their birth parents than to their adoptive parents. Some would say that intelligence is a genetic trait and therefore parents do not matter in this regard. However, this is not the case. To make it even more complicated, we now know that our genes are not set in stone. Our environment can rearrange our genes, affecting how much or how little we express our genes. This is the concept of epigenetics ⁽⁴⁾. For a child to reach their full potential, they must be raised in an environment that allows them to reach this potential. A child that is deeply neglected by their parents may not reach their full IQ. It is the parents who provide this environment, so from this perspective, what parents do matters. This is an example of how our environment influences our genes.  

So, our environment influences our genes, but our genes also influence our environment. Let me give you an example. A child that is born with a very difficult temperament ⁽⁵⁾, who cries a lot, is not affectionate, and is aggressive, may provoke their parents to be harsher, colder, and more punitive. These same parents may have another child that is always happy, affectionate and quick to help, and as a result, these parents are much more affectionate and loving to this child. This is an important aspect to remember because we often only think that parents influence children, but children also influence parents. The parent-child relationship goes both ways. This example illustrates how genetics (child’s temperament) influences the environment (parents’ level of warmth). 

So, What Matters in Parenting? 

This is THE question that developmental psychologists have been trying to answer for years.  

What matters? The most important predictor in children’s development is whether they have a good relationship ⁽⁶⁾ with their parents. Children tend to do better when their parents are loving, caring, and set up clear and consistent rules. This is why children who have authoritative parents tend to do better than children of parents who favour other parenting styles.  

There are soooo many things that do not matter. Things like how long you breastfeed your child for, when you potty train your child, or whether you co-sleep or not, do not matter. Usually, small decisions which parents tend to worry about do not make a big difference in how their child turns out. 

Finally… 

The message that parents do not matter as much as we think can be very liberating. We cannot shape our children into the adult we want them to be. Your child’s future does not depend totally on you. Focus on the quality of your relationship. Give them lots of love and provide consistent rules. Try not to worry about every single decision you make, because most likely it will not matter in the long term. That’s about it.  

I hope you find this information useful. If you are struggling with any aspect of parenting or would like to learn strategies to become a more confident parenting, get in touch with me. 

Love,  

Ana 

Dr Ana Aznar 

References 

⁽¹⁾ Harris, J. R. (1995). Where is the child’s environment? A group socialization theory of development. Psychological review, 102(3), 458. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-295X.102.3.458 

⁽²⁾ Pesta, B. J., Kirkegaard, E. O., te Nijenhuis, J., Lasker, J., & Fuerst, J. G. (2020). Racial and ethnic group differences in the heritability of intelligence: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Intelligence, 78, 101408. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.intell.2019.101408 

⁽³⁾ Nas, Z., Herle, M., Kininmonth, A. R., Smith, A. D., Bryant‐Waugh, R., Fildes, A., & Llewellyn, C. H. (2025). Nature and nurture in fussy eating from toddlerhood to early adolescence: findings from the Gemini twin cohort. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 66(2), 241-252. doi:10.1111/jcpp.14053 

⁽⁴⁾ Gibney, E. R., & Nolan, C. M. (2010). Epigenetics and gene expression. Heredity, 105(1), 4-13. 

⁽⁵⁾ Laukkanen, J., Ojansuu, U., Tolvanen, A. et al. Child’s Difficult Temperament and Mothers’ Parenting Styles. J Child Fam Stud 23, 312–323 (2014). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-013-9747-9 

⁽⁶⁾ Retnowati, D. A., & Sukmawaty, N. I. P. (2024). The effect of authoritative parenting style on individual development: A literature review. World Journal of Advanced Research and Reviews, 21(1), 205-209. https://doi.org/10.30574/wjarr.2024.21.1.2662 

Weaning is the process of stopping breastfeeding. We start to introduce solid foods, while continuing to give the child breast milk. Little by little we will stop breastfeeding and we will increase the amount of solid food. 

Types of Weaning

• Natural or spontaneous: the child is the one who stops breastfeeding. It can happen abruptly but it usually happens gradually from the age of two. 

• Abrupt: the mother stops breastfeeding without an adaptation process. Leaving cold turkey can be more emotionally difficult for the mother and child. It can also increase the risk of the mother having breast problems such as mastitis. 

• Gradual: the mother for whatever reason decides that it is time to stop breastfeeding the child. It is done gradually over several weeks, decreasing the number of feedings and the duration of each feeding. This is the method that we explain below.

When Is the Ideal Time to Start Weaning?

• There is no ideal time. It’s up to you and your child. 

• It’s best to do it at a time when the child isn’t going through another change, such as the start of daycare or the birth of a sibling. 

• It is very common for the child to resist. Normally, children who leave the breast later are usually more resistant to leaving it.

How Do We Do It?  

• Progressively eliminate the feedings: Start by eliminating one feeding. It is usually easier to eliminate the midday one and gradually stop the ones you do during the day. The first feeding in the morning and especially those at night, are usually more difficult to eliminate. Weaning doesn’t have to be total. Some mothers decide to wean during the day and continue breastfeeding at night. 

• Every time the child asks for the breast, offer him a distraction. Offer him something to eat, water or milk, cuddle him, or play with him. 

• Make it difficult to access the breast: don’t wear a nursing bra, don’t wear clothes that are easy to open, or wear several layers of clothing. 

• Let someone take care of the child a little more on those days, especially at times when you usually breastfeed. 

• Shorten each session: When your child has breastfed for a minute or two, urge them to stop and offer something to distract them. 

• Delay feedings: when your child asks for the breast, tell him to wait until you finish making dinner, or when you return from the walk. In the meantime, try to distract him so that he forgets. 

• It may be a good idea to keep a diary where you write down the number of feedings, hours, and write down what happens in each feeding. This way, you can see patterns of behavior, which one is harder to stop…

How to Eliminate Night Feedings

It’s often harder to drop the night feeds.  

Before taking away the night feedings, it is advisable to break the association between sleep and breast. If you normally breastfeed before going to sleep in your room, or in bed, start breastfeeding in the living room, for example. Do the same in the morning, with the first feeding. 

After a few days, when he asks for the breast, try to: 

• Offer milk or water 

• Give them a stuffed animal or blanket they like 

• Hugging him, caressing him… 

• The other parent who take care of the child at night so that it is less likely for him to ask for the breast.

Important Things to Keep in Mind

What Does the Child Look for When He Asks for the Breast? 

The breast is more than a food and many times the child asks for it when he wants a cuddle or is bored. 

It is good to know why they are asking for it so that you can anticipate: 

• If he is bored: propose to do something that he likes. 

• If he is sleepy: think about how else you can help him sleep or maybe someone else can help him sleep. 

• If hungry: Give your baby something to eat before breastfeeding or while breastfeeding. 

When and Where Does the Child Ask for the Breast? 

If the child is used to breastfeeding on the sofa after dinner, in the morning in your bed when you wake up or after playing, change the routine. Do not sit on that couch, or get out of bed before he wakes up. 

Your Partner or Someone Else Needs to Collaborate 

It is a good idea if your partner or another person is with the child at the times when he usually asks for the breast so that it is more difficult for him to remember about it. 

Adjust Your Expectations 

At this age, the weaning process can be long. It may be that the child agrees to leave the breast quickly, but it is more common for the child to resist and take a while. 

Prepare for the Child to Be More Fussy 

It is very likely that during this time the child will cry and be more nervous than usual. This can make you feel anxious. Think about how the child feels, try to be calm, and arm yourself with patience. 

And What About You?

Many times when we talk about weaning we only think of the child but this is a process that also includes you. It’s a matter of two. It is a process of change and adaptation, which requires patience and understanding, for both of you. 

That’s why it is very important that you take care of yourself. When you stop feeding, you may feel uncomfortable. Observe how you feel, if you are uncomfortable, apply a cold towel and express milk but only enough to eliminate discomfort, not to stimulate production. If you’re very uncomfortable or in a lot of pain, talk to your pharmacist or doctor. You may be advised to take anti-inflammatories. 

Also pay attention to how you feel emotionally. Breastfeeding is a phase of parenting that you’ve put a lot of time and dedication into, so you may feel a sense of grief or loss. 

We wish you all the best in this process. If you need support, do not hesitate to contact us. Our specialists will guide you in a personalized way. 

This question has not been examined much by researchers in the last few years. Girls and boys tend to cope differently with divorce, rather than one gender coping better than the other. The impact of divorce depends on many factors such as age, personality, parental support, or the level of conflict between the parents. 

Most children, regardless of whether they are boys or girls, do worse in the months following parental divorce. However, most boys and girls are doing reasonably well by the second or third year after the divorce. Only around 25% of children of divorced parents experience long-term problems. 

You can read more about this topic in this recent article discussing divorce.

If you are going through a divorce, and would like some support, get in touch with me.

Regards, 

Ana

Dr Ana Aznar

What is a Yes Day?

It is a day when parents say yes to any requests from their children. Parents are not allowed to say no to anything their kids request. It was popularized by actress Jennifer Garner in the Yes Day movie. Originally the idea comes from the children’s book Yes Day! by Amy Krouse Rosenthal. 

Should I Let my Child Have a Yes Day?

It is totally up to you. Some parents say that they are a good idea because during these days they connect with their children, strengthening their relationship. Yes Days are also a way to create fun and long-lasting memories with your children.  

Parents also argue that Yes Days are a good idea because children hear ‘No’ so many times a day every day, that having one day when they do not hear this word, helps both parents and children to relax. It is a chance for the whole family to break up the routine. Yes Days are all about having quality time and family fun. 

There Are Two Ways to Have a Yes Day

• You tell your child and spend time planning it as a family
• You do not tell your child, but you intentionally say yes to as many of their requests as you can

What Is the Best Age to Start Yes Days?

Probably the best age is around 5 or 6. At this time, children can understand the rules and that it is a special day. They are less likely to ask for crazy things (or at least not as many!).  

How Does a Yes Day Work?

Kids choose what they want to do the entire day. Adults set rules but children are pretty much free to plan the day as they want. However, it is crucial that you set some ground rules from the beginning. Otherwise, the day can go crazy. 

Yes Day Rules

• Parents choose the day that it will happen
• No requests can result in a permanent consequence (e.g., getting a tattoo or buying a pet)
• Set a budget per child for the day
• Place a travel limit
• Activities cannot be unsafe (e.g., eating pancakes if the child cannot have gluten)
• Set a limit on screen time
• Set a limit on how late children can stay up
• Parents have the final say on whether a request is accepted
• Don’t forget to finish the day by discussing as a family what you all have enjoyed the most, things you have learnt from the day, and by showing gratitude for having had a good time

Twenty Ideas for a Yes Day

1. Go camping
2. Go on a road trip
3. Have a movie marathon
4. Wear pyjamas all day
5. Have a no chores day
6. Go to a zoo, the local park, a museum, or a fair
7. Go to a favourite restaurant 
8. Eat only favourite foods all day, including junk food
9. A board game marathon
10.  Special bedtime story
11. Extra screen time
12. Have a picnic in the living room
13. Have a themed dress-up day
14. Bake cookies or make ice-cream
15. Have a water balloon fight
16. Go to a theme park
17. Play video games
18. Have a dance party
19. Build a maze in the living room
20. Have a spa day at home

How Often Should You Have a Yes Day?

Yes Days should not be done too often, otherwise they will not feel special. Also, you do not want your child to think that they can do whatever they want all the time. Let’s not forget that boundaries are really important for children. 

 If Yes Days are something that works for you and your family, you may choose to establish it as a family tradition and have it once or twice a year. 

A Yes Day can be a good idea when the family is going through a rough patch, like a divorce, moving, or the loss of a family member. 

How Does a Child Earn a Yes Day?

Ideally, children should not earn these days. These days should be all about family connection. 

Finally…

Whether you have yes day or not is totally up to you. You are not a better or worse parent whether you have them or not. 

If you have an ongoing parenting struggle or want to build a foundation to feel more confident in your parenting, get in touch with me or go to our website.  

Love, 

Ana

Dr Ana Aznar

What makes us happy?  The Harvard Study of Adult Development ⁽¹⁾ has been trying to answer this question since the 1930s. Their findings suggest that the main predictor of happiness is…Having good relationships with other people. Romantic love and friendships.  

Romantic Love

Romantic love matters.  But not any kind of romantic love. One of the biggest predictor of happiness is to be involved in a long-term romantic relationship. But not just any kind of long-term romantic relationship. Long marriages are not beneficial per se. It must be a loving relationship. The key to happiness is not to fall in love but to stay in love.  

Couples who manage to stay in love are the ones who achieve what psychologists call ‘companionate love’. This love ⁽²⁾  is not dramatic. Is not based on highs and lows but on mutual understanding, commitment, and stable affection. This love is rooted in friendship. This is why it bring us happiness.  Being in a long marriage is beneficial for people who consider their spouse ⁽³⁾ as their best friend. These couples bring out the best in each other. They have fun with one another. They trust each other. They love each other deeply and unconditionally.  

Interestingly, long term companionate love is necessary but that alone won’t make us happy. People in happy romantic relationships still need friends. Indeed, a study ⁽⁴⁾ found that married people who had at least two close friends were the happiest. This could be because when we have close friends, we don’t expect our partner to be ‘our everything’. We realize that as much as we love them and they love us, we need other people. Romantic love does not cover all our social needs.  

The problem is that when we fall in love, this love consumes us, we only want to be with our loved one and we end up neglecting our friends (at least at the beginning). The belief that we must have a partner to be successful and happy, leads us to neglect our friends. Even though we desperately need them.  

Friendship

Having friends ⁽⁵⁾ is good for our mental and physical health. People who have friends are less likely to suffer from depression. They are also more likely to live longer.  People with no friends or not-very good friends are twice as likely to die early. It is worse for our health not to have friends than to smoke 20 cigarettes ⁽⁶⁾ per day (don’t start smoking now!). It is not clear why having friends is so good for our health. It seems that when we have friends, we manage stress in a more effective way. When something upsetting happens, we phone a friend, and we can feel our body calming down. When you have no one to call, your body keeps being stressed and over time, the different body systems get damaged.  

Sadly, even though we know how important it is to have friends, more and more people say that they feel lonely.  This is something that I see a lot in my work with parents. So many parents of young kids tell me that they have no tribe. They have no one close by to share the load with. This is a serious problem. Lonely people are more likely to have heart problems and die early ⁽⁷⁾ . It is estimated that loneliness increases the risk of early death ⁽⁸⁾ as much as 26%.  

It is not easy to make friends as adults. This is partly because no one taught us how to do it, and moreover we are not ‘programmed’ to do it because historically, there was no need for it. If you think about it, years and years ago, people lived surrounded by their extended family. As adults, they lived in the same community where they had grown up, so there was no need to make new friends. Your friends were just there. With the industrial revolution, when people started leaving their homes and moving to the cities, the issue of not having friends started. This issue is getting worse because we are creating a society where it is not easy to make friends or even talk to people. You need some sugar? You no longer ask your next-door neighbour as we used to, you ask Deliveroo. Waiting for the train? You don’t chat to the person next to you, you are listening to a podcast in your airpods.  

Acquaintances

This lack of casual chat with the neighbour or the butcher matters. It matters because connections with acquaintances ⁽⁹⁾ are also good for us. People are happier on days when they have more interactions with their acquaintances. Talking with strangers also improves our mental health. Often, we do not talk with strangers because we worry the conversation will be awkward, but it seems that we overestimate this worry. People tend to find chatting with strangers enjoyable and connecting. 

We must abandon the idea that in adulthood, friendships just happen. Friendships don’t just happen; we need to look for them and then work on them to maintain them. People ⁽¹⁰⁾ who think that friendships just happen are lonelier than those who believe that it takes work to make friends. If you want to have friends, you must take the initiative.  

You

But you know what is one of the most important factors to have friends and to be in a happy romantic relationship? To like yourself. To be friends with yourself. To believe that you are worthy of being liked and loved. There is a very interesting study ⁽¹¹⁾ where researchers asked couples to rate how much their partner liked them. How people thought their romantic partner viewed them, had nothing to do with how their partner actually viewed them. It had to do with how they viewed themselves. You need to love yourself, otherwise, you won’t realize that others love you. People who love themselves tend to think that others will like them. People who don’t like themselves, are more likely not to talk with others because they assume that they will not be interested in them.  

In this Valentine’s Day let’s spread our love to everyone around us. To our partner. To our friends. To the barista who sells us our coffee in the mornings. To the mothers at the school gate. To ourselves.  

References 

⁽¹⁾ Mitchell, J. F. (2004). Aging well: surprising guideposts to a happier life from the landmark Harvard study of adult development. American Journal of Psychiatry, 161(1), 178-179. 

⁽²⁾ Lemieux, R., & Hale, J. L. (2000). Intimacy, passion, and commitment among married individuals: Further testing of the triangular theory of love. Psychological Reports, 87(3), 941-948. https://doi.org/10.2466/pr0.2000.87.3.941 

⁽³⁾ Shawn Grover & John F. Helliwell, 2019. “How’s Life at Home? New Evidence on Marriage and the Set Point for Happiness,” Journal of Happiness Studies, vol 20(2), pages 373-390 

⁽⁴⁾ Birditt, K. S., & Antonucci, T. C. (2007). Relationship quality profiles and well-being among married adults. Journal of Family Psychology, 21(4), 595. 

⁽⁵⁾ Cable, N., Bartley, M., Chandola, T., & Sacker, A. (2013). Friends are equally important to men and women, but family matters more for men’s well-being. Journal of Epidemiol Community Health, 67(2), 166-171 

⁽⁶⁾ Holt-Lunstad J, Smith TB, Layton JB. Social relationships and mortality risk: a meta-analytic review. PLoS Med. 2010 Jul 27;7(7):e1000316. doi: 10.1371/journal.pmed.1000316. PMID: 20668659; PMCID: PMC2910600. 

⁽⁷⁾ Dyal, S. R., & Valente, T. W. (2015). A Systematic Review of Loneliness and Smoking: Small Effects, Big Implications. Substance Use & Misuse, 50(13), 1697–1716. https://doi.org/10.3109/10826084.2015.1027933 

⁽⁸⁾ Holt-Lunstad J. Loneliness and Social Isolation as Risk Factors: The Power of Social Connection in Prevention. Am J Lifestyle Med. 2021 May 6;15(5):567-573. doi: 10.1177/15598276211009454. PMID: 34646109; PMCID: PMC8504333. 

⁽⁹⁾ Schroeder J, Lyons D, Epley N. Hello, stranger? Pleasant conversations are preceded by concerns about starting one. J Exp Psychol Gen. 2022 May;151(5):1141-1153. doi: 10.1037/xge0001118. Epub 2021 Oct 7. PMID: 34618536. 

⁽¹⁰⁾ Newall, N. E., Chipperfield, J. G., Clifton, R. A., Perry, R. P., Swift, A. U., & Ruthig, J. C. (2009). Causal beliefs, social participation, and loneliness among older adults: A longitudinal study. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 26(2-3), 273–290. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407509106718 

⁽¹¹⁾ Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G., & Griffin, D. W. (2000). Self-esteem and the quest for felt security: How perceived regard regulates attachment processes. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(3), 478–498. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.78.3.478 

What Is Parallel Play? 

Parallel play ⁽¹⁾ is when children seem to be playing together with other children but in reality, they are just playing side by side. They do not interact with each other, nor do they share toys.  

An example of parallel play is two children quietly building their own block towers next to each other. Or for example, two toddlers playing in the same toy kitchen but each of them is cooking on their own.  

Why Is Play Important? 

Play is really important for children’s development. During play, children develop their emotional, social, and cognitive skills. During play ⁽²⁾ , children learn to make sense of the world, they explore their environment, and they learn to solve problems. Let’s also not forget that children simply like to play.  

Children must be allowed to play because it is fundamental for their development. Play is not just something children do. Play is children’s work.  

There are reports suggesting that children are playing less than previous generations used to. Or at least, that they are engaging in less adventurous ⁽³⁾ and outdoors play. This is one of the reasons why some psychologists believe that children’s and teenagers’ mental health has gotten worse in the past years.  

When Do Children Engage in Parallel Play? 

Children engage in parallel play between the ages of 18 -24 months until around the ages of 3 or 4, when children usually start preschool. By then, children start playing cooperatively. They start playing with other children and not only next to other children.  

Remember that these ages are just approximate. Some children ⁽⁴⁾ will not engage much in parallel play, some children will start cooperative play way earlier, and some children will keep playing on their own for a bit longer. It depends on factors such as if your kid has siblings, when they start going to nursery, or how often they interact with other children. Remember that each child is different, and they hit developmental milestones a bit sooner or later. However, if you are worried about your child, always consult with your doctor.  

Why Is Parallel Play Important? 

Your child is not playing with others yet, but parallel play prepares him for social play. During parallel play, children also: 

• Observe and sometimes imitate children playing alongside them. They get curious about what the other children are doing and the toys they are playing with.  

• Start to understand that other children have feelings and thoughts, just like them.  

• Learn to share their space with other children. 

• Observe how adults interact with children 

• Develop their motor skills 

Parallel Play Concerns and Challenges 

During this stage, parents ⁽⁵⁾ often try to make their child play with other children, but they usually fail. They fail simply, because at this stage children do not yet have the skills to play together. They will get there on their own time. At this stage, just worry about giving them opportunities to interact with other children. Your child is not ‘antisocial’ because he is playing on his own at this stage of his development. He is just doing what he is ‘meant’ to be doing. He is not ready yet to make friends.  

What Are the Other Stages of Play? 

Sociologist, Mildred Parten ⁽⁶⁾ , proposed in the early 1900s that there are six stages of play: 

1. Unoccupied Play: this is how babies entertain themselves. They move and observe with no specific goal. Examples are watching everything that is around them, grasping whatever they can get hold of, or knocking over toys.  

2. Solitary Play: The child is playing totally absorbed in his own thoughts. This stage of play typically starts during the baby months and continues into toddlerhood. An example is a child reading a book or playing with his stuffed animal without interacting with anyone.  

3. Onlooker Play (or Spectator Play): The child observes what other children are doing, they may even ask questions, but do not engage with them. An example is a young kid watching two older kids building a tower with blocks. This stage of play usually starts in the toddler years and may last until the start of primary school. It may seem that your child is not doing anything, but he is learning the social rules around play.  

4. Parallel Play 

5. Associative Play: This is when children start to interact and talk with each other. They are still quite focused on doing their own thing, but they chat with others and are interested in what the others are doing. Associative examples are drawing or playing with playdough.  

6. Cooperative Play: The goal of all five previous stages of play is to prepare children for cooperative play. This is when young children are truly planning and playing together. They work together towards a common goal. Examples of cooperative play activities are building a block tower together, playing house or role playing. This type of play tends to start during the preschool years, when children are around four years of age. It provides children with the opportunity to interact with other children and is the building block to building friendships.  

These six stages of play are not set in stone. Depending on their age, children may move from playing cooperatively, to solitary, to onlooker, depending on their play environment. Children also prefer one type of play over others depending on their personality and interests.  

Parallel Play in Neurodivergent Children 

Children with autism ⁽⁷⁾ usually have problems developing their play skills. They are less likely to play with other children and tend to stay on the outside of play activities. When they engage in play, it tends not to be creative and interactive but scripted and one-sided.  This is why very often, children with autism are taught to play with other children. 

Regarding children with ADHD ⁽⁸⁾ , there is some evidence suggesting that children who played regularly in green spaces, had milder symptoms than children who played more often in built indoor or outdoor spaces. 

Takeaway 

Play in early childhood is really important. Sometimes, children are so busy with school, homework, and extracurricular activities, that they have little time to play. If you sometimes think that your child is wasting their time when they are playing, try to change this mindset. Remember that play is children’s work. This work helps the development of their social, cognitive, and emotional skills.  

Learn more about this topic, watch our masterclass on children’s play with Dr Rachel Nesbit, one of the most relevant researchers of play.  

If you have questions or comments, do not hesitate to get in touch with me.  

Love,  

Ana 

Dr Ana Aznar 

References 

⁽¹⁾ Neal, J. W., Neal, Z. P., & Durbin, C. E. (2022). Inferring signed networks from preschoolers’ observed parallel and social play. Social Networks, 71, 80-86. https://www.elsevier.com/open-access/userlicense/1.0/ 

⁽²⁾ Scott, H. K., & Cogburn, M. (2018). Peer play. 

⁽³⁾ Dodd, H. F., Nesbit, R. J., & FitzGibbon, L. (2023). Child’s play: examining the association between time spent playing and child mental health. Child Psychiatry & Human Development, 54(6), 1678-1686. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10578-022-01363-2  

⁽⁴⁾ Robinson, C. C., Anderson, G. T., Porter, C. L., Hart, C. H., & Wouden-Miller, M. (2003). Sequential transition patterns of preschoolers’ social interactions during child-initiated play: Is parallel-aware play a bidirectional bridge to other play states?. Early Childhood Research Quarterly, 18(1), 3-21. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0885-2006(03)00003-6 

⁽⁵⁾ Dyer, S., & Moneta, G. B. (2006). Frequency of parallel, associative, and cooperative play in British children of different socioeconomic status. Social Behavior and Personality: an international journal, 34(5), 587-592. 

⁽⁶⁾ Parten, M. B. (1933). Social play among preschool children. The Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology, 28(2), 136. https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1037/h0073939 

⁽⁷⁾ Groenwoud, Cameron, “The Use of Picture Prompts to Generalize Play Skills and Parallel Play for Children with Autism” (2010). Honors Projects. 53. 
https://scholarworks.gvsu.edu/honorsprojects/53  

⁽⁸⁾ Kuo FE, Taylor AF (2004) A potential natural treatment for atten-tion-deficit/hyperactivity disorder: evidence from a national study. Am J Public Health 94(9):1580–1586  

“Every new parent comes with their own experiences of growing up (abiding by different rules, discipline etc) how do my partner and I  have an agreed parenting path (views about how to deal with conflict/behavioural changes) going forward so that we are clear and consistent? Do you recommend any parenting courses/workbooks to help us work/guide us through these really important fundamental child raising questions? Thanks  

Obviously, communication is key but I think a clear gentle guide in discussions would be really beneficial.” 

Most of us don’t discuss how we want to raise our children before having them, right? And the reality, as you say, is that we were all raised in different ways, and we all have different ideas about how children should be raised. So, rest assured that you are not the only one having this problem. Most couples do not agree about every single aspect of parenting. Having said this, it is important that you try to set some ground rules so that parenting differences don’t end up undermining your relationship.  

Here are some useful tips to remember: 

• It is impossible that you and your partner will agree on absolutely everything. Before criticizing your partner’s decision, ask yourself: “Does my partner want what is best for our child?”. The answer is probably ‘yes’, right? Instead of thinking that you are right, and your partner is wrong, think that you have different ideas about parenting. Not better or worse, just different.  

• Establish some ‘red lines’. These could be a few things that are a totally no-go for each one of you and that you should both respect. For example, it could be that you are absolutely against letting your child have sleepovers, and your partner is completely against shouting at your child. You should both make a pact to respect these ‘red lines’.  

• Remember that the problem is not to have conflicting opinions, the problem is how you handle them in front of your child.  

• Even if you disagree with your partner’s parenting in the moment, do not say so in front of your child. Save your thoughts for later and discuss it when you are both feeling calm.  

• You don’t want to disagree in front of your child because it can be confusing and worrying for them. It can also undermine your authority and lead your child to play you against each other.   

• Discipline is a common friction point between parents. Unless your partner is placing your child in physical danger, try not to undermine their authority in front of your child. Have a chat later and decide on some discipline ground rules.  

• Finally, remember that your child does not need perfect parents that agree on absolutely everything. Your child needs stable and loving parents. If you end up having an argument in front of your child, repair the relationship with them and tell them that it is totally normal for couples to have arguments from time to time.  

In terms of resources, we could have an online session to discuss this issue further and agree on some ground rules. We can also discuss what aspects really matter for child development, to avoid you arguing over things that do not matter that much. Do get in touch with me and we can organize it straight away.  

I hope this helps! 

Ana 

Dr Ana Aznar